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lincoln's arrival, part three

2012-01-24T21:16:00.000-08:00

Jazz went with Lincoln while my guts were stuffed back into me and I was stitched up. The surgery took longer than my first one and I was dyiiiing for it to be over. For some reason my arms were killing me and I kept moving them over my head and accidentally ripping my leads off. I heard them call over that the baby was 7 pounds 9 ounces, 19 1/2 inches long, with APGARS of 2 and 9. The 2 is really horrible and I'm not sure what happened there but by five minutes he was pink and perfect. Jazz brought him over to me to look at and it was like I had known him forever. Probably because he looked like a little boy clone of newborn baby Isabelle.

Jazz and I stayed in the recovery area with our new tiny baby for a few hours until I was cleared to go to my room. I ate ice chips and snuggled with little Lincoln and soaked up every moment of his froggy little body on my chest. He really showed signs of wanting to nurse so we hooked him up and I was shocked when he actually latched. I've said before how difficult feeding Isabelle was- I really had no idea that a baby could just come out and know what to do.

Soon I was wheeled into our room where we would be holed up for the next three days with baby Linc. Lucky for us, the hospital wasn’t very busy and we were given a double room so Jazz got a bed! He was thrilled. I’m sure those couch chairs just aren’t as comfy as they look. Actually, they look horrible so I was so thankful he had a bed. At this point, we were both exhauuuuuuusted. Labor was about 36 hours, plus the surgery, plus recovery, and it felt like we had been awake for light years. I know I looked awesome. We had a constant stream of people all day- pediatricians and doctors and birth certificate people so we really didn’t get to sleep until that way later that night. Because Davis is a teaching hospital, we had interns and residents as well as attendings come around to check stuff out. The entire staff was so wonderful the entire time we were there, we were so thankful for all of their help. I’m all for the teaching thing- it was a neat experience to be a part of rounds… I kept looking for Zach Braff to pop up but he didn’t.

Please, no more photos.

About 11 am my mom brought Isabelle to meet her baby brother. She was SO cute and SO excited to see the baby out of my tummy. She needed to check that he had two ears and all his fingers and touch his soft little head. She was also so excited to see me which of course made me cry. I thought it would be painful to be away from her for so long, but somehow it was okay? Like I knew she was having the best time ever at my parents' house, and what better reason to be apart then the birth of a new baby. Of course I thought about her and I missed her, but it didn't hurt my soul like I thought it would.

Mostly she was excited to show me her new tea set. And to offer Lincoln a cup.

Mom took Isabelle back to Redding to stay with her while we were in the hospital, and finally late that night we got to sleep. Oh man, I love to sleep. Eventually they wanted me to get up and walk around and I said HECK NO I just had surgery! But they made me, so I got up and made it to the chair and then started to lose it. I blacked out after taking a shower after Isabelle's birth (which made for an awkward naked rescue.) I had super low blood pressure the whole time I was in the hospital, so I got extra IV fluid and less pressure to get up for the first little while. Percocet was my BFF. Eventually I got to shower which was so heavenly.

(Real quick. Jazz was so, so tired but the second night he went to get mac and cheese from noodles and co for us. When he was picking up the food, the employee asked him, "Do you want silverware?" And Jazz, in his dazed and exhausted state, misunderstood and replied, "What is self aware?" Bless him. It still makes me giggle.)

Lots of people told me that their second c-section was easier to recover from than their first. In my opinion, the first few days are equally as painful. Getting out of bed without a crane is sort of agony, and once they take out your catheter you are BEGGING for it to go back in so you don't have to make bathroom trips. After the first few days, I was much more mobile compared to the first time. I could walk around and sit up easier and by the time we came home I felt so much better. I even slept on my side the second night home which I didn't do for weeks the first time around.

handsome boys!

Going home!

And now the four of us are home together, adjusting to our new little life. I can't believe how easy it was to love another baby like I love Isabelle. So far he is so mellow and mostly just eats and sleeps, rinse and repeat. He is so soft and he smells so good and he has one wrinkly little ear that flops over just a little bit. His legs are so skinny and he has these tiny elephant wrinkles on his knees. He is a fantastic eater and as a result, sleeps pretty good too! I know he is only ten days old and this is likely to change at some point but it's just a different experience than we had with Izzie. When he is all curled up on my shoulder after he nurses I feel so blessed and so happy with my life.

Some people have told me they are sorry that the vbac attempt wasn't successful. Of course, I would have loved to not have surgery but in no way do I think it wasn't successful. I will forever cherish those two weeks with Isabelle in Sacramento on our "adventure" as long as I live. I now know what it feels like to go into labor, to call my husband and tell him it is time. I got to drive to the hospital in the middle of the night while experiencing contractions. I worked hard and long and got really, really far. I know that I exhausted every possible option before consenting to surgery, and in the end I got a (super cute) healthy and happy baby.

Total success. Would I do it again? 100 times over. Again and again and again, it was such an amazing experience.

lincon's arrival, part two

2012-01-22T09:04:00.000-08:00

Part of what I wanted to experience with the trial of labor was the actual labor part. With Isabelle, I was induced with Pitocin and pretty much immediately received an epidural when things got the slightest bit painful. I was afraid of what was to come and I don’t remember contractions, and I certainly didn’t have any on my own.

This time, my body was doing what it was supposed to do. I was so thrilled that things were progressing without any medical intervention, I knew it increased my chances of having a successful VBAC. I felt great. Especially since my hair and makeup were mostly done, suckas!

So I was admitted, given an IV and taken to our large birthing suite. I swear, an elephant could have given birth in that room it was so ginormous. We had an ultrasound to confirm our fears that the tiny baby ninja was indeed posterior- meaning his face was up instead of down. It makes it harder to progress since the baby’s head isn’t pushing down correctly, and it makes for some DELIGHTFUL back labor.

We had a wonderful nurse who was super supportive of our vbac attempt, she is usually the charge nurse and doesn’t always get assigned patients. Lucky for us, that day she was actually on the floor and I know it wasn’t just by accident. For the next three hours I labored on my feet. I don’t know how anyone could labor laying down in a bed, it was MISERY to lay down when they had to check me. Because I had a previous c-section, I had to be on the monitors for my entire labor so we could keep track of the baby’s heartbeat at all times. They have these fancy wireless monitors so I was able to walk around and SWAY and SWAY and SWAY. I’ve always seen women in labor lean on stuff and I never understood why that could actually be comfortable but seriously, it helps.

Hi, I have to wear two gowns so my bum doesn't show.

At noon I was checked and found to be 5 cm dilated. A five! For me that was huge because I never progressed past a four with my first labor after 15 hours on pitocin. Already I was more successful than the first time! There is this line from Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth that says something like ‘your body is not a lemon.’ When I read that, it really connected with me and I kept going back to that during labor. After that point the contractions moved alllllllll into my back. It literally felt like someone was using a backhoe to tear my body in half. Every four minutes I would yell OKAY JAZZ PLEASE GO NOW. And he would rush over and push on my lower back with all of his might until the contraction was over. Good as gold, that man.

I also started to make some quiet noises. Again, I never understood why women made weird moaning noises during labor but for some reason it helps, don’t ask me. Jazz says I sounded like a soft version of that part from Kung Fu Panda where Po says “I love kung fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.” Labor is weird and I seriously wasn’t worried about being embarrassed by saying weird things since basically most of the hospital saw my naked lower half and some point during the experience. Modesty = Totally gone.

We labored like that until 3 when I started dreaming of the epidural. I was checked and was a 6! I was so proud of myself- one that my body was doing awesome and two that I made it that far without pitocin or an epidural. I kept saying, “Look at me go!” High five. Now, please push on my back some more.

About 3:30 I received a wonderful epidural from the tallest anesthesiologist I have ever met. It was enough that I couldn’t feel pain but I could still feel the tightness from the contractions. I realized that I wouldn’t be standing up again until I delivered the baby! Exciting. I had been experiencing contractions for a good 20 hours and most of that was spent on my feet rocking and dancing on my tiptoes. I was tired! But did I tell you they let me eat? Last time I wasn’t allowed food all day and I actually forced Jazz to sneak me a granola bar when no one was looking. This time I was given snacks and meals- graham crackers have never tasted so amazing.

At some point, Jazz ran to the condo to shower super quickly. These are the items that Isabelle put in a bag and sent "for mama"- a leaf, a couple rocks, a lemon she found outside, and her favorite play people. I cried.

Progress was slow… but it was still progress. Normal people dilate about 1 cm every hour- I was averaging 1 cm every 3 hours. At 5:30 I received the tiniest bit of pitocin to regulate my contractions, which helped. By 7 pm I was 7 centimeters. Getting there! Shift change at the hospital, and we got a new set of nurses and doctors. At 8 pm the term “c-section” was thrown at me out of the blue since I was “off the normal labor curve.” I politely declined the on call OB's recommendation of an immediate c-section despite my longer labor, I really wanted the chance to get to a ten and push. We all knew the posterior baby was a problem, and unless he turned or descended we would be looking at surgery. I was fine having surgery as long we had exhausted EVERY POSSIBLE OPTION.

New OB tried to turn the baby around. Of course, the baby was stubborn and would not budge even an inch. Again, doc said in his opinion a section would be the best course. I asked for two more hours. And I prayed for the baby to turn.

At 10 pm I was 8-9 cms but still had a posterior baby. He would not get past a 0 station in the birth canal, meaning basically he would not descend. Doc said he would try to turn him again and he did- quite aggressively. It took a few minutes of wrangling, but the baby finally turned the right way! Everything was working out.

And then we immediately lost his heartbeat. Code was called, nurses and doctors flew in the room. The chief was paged. I was flipped on my side, given oxygen and a shot in my arm to stop my contractions. People were unhooking me and rehooking me to new things in preparation for an emergency c-section. Never before have I cried out in prayer like I did then, pleading to my Heavenly Father for everything to be alright. Jazz stood in the corner, stunned and helpless. An ultrasound machine was wheeled in to find the baby, and after a very long minute the heartbeat came back very, very slowly. I laid on my side and sobbed into my oxygen mask feeling so selfish for wanting to birth this baby MY way and for thinking that I could control anything.

After that it was clear that there would be no more turning the baby, no matter what. I agreed. The pitocin was shut off since I was contracting on my own, and we were given some time to just rest and recover from the situation.

At midnight, my doctors came in to check me again. I was fully dilated and ready to go but the baby was not descending. At all. My doctor explained to me that from what he could tell, my pelvis is shaped differently- that the front is a normal width but the back is very narrow and was not allowing the baby to pass. The term cephalopelvic disproportion was used. It was probably the reason why my babies sit posterior- there is more room in the front and it is more comfortable for them to settle that way. And, as a bonus, when he checked me he found that the baby had turned back to posterior position. He and his team recommended a c-section.

I asked for some time to discuss it with Jazz. We had come so far and I felt so close to the birth I had always wanted, I could not believe that I wasn’t going to experience it. I looked at the empty baby warmer and knew that none of my babies would ever be cleaned off over there while I looked on lovingly from my bed. Jazz held me and kissed me and told me what I good job I had done and I believed him. I had done everything right. I went into labor on my own and labored all day and dilated and did everything that I was supposed to do. There was nothing else I could do to change the fact that my body is shaped in a way that does not allow for a baby to pass through my pelvis. Period.

At 1 am, the doctors reassembled and I consented to the surgery. After the decision was made I felt like a load was taken from my shoulders- relief. Peace. Understanding. Acceptance. Gratitude.

Jazz gave me a quick kiss and I was wheeled into the OR and strapped onto the table. Medicine given, doctors called in, and the surgery underway. Jazz massaged my forehead and talked to me to distract me from the weird feeling of having people’s hands in my abdomen. A few minutes later, time was called and the baby that had spent almost a year inside my body was pulled from me and ushered into the other room for the nicu nurses to examine. I heard him cry.

And just like that, little Lincoln made our family of three into four.

His poor little head was a bit bruised/scratched from all the turning.

Baby Linc, 60 minutes old

lincoln michael's arrival, part one

2012-01-20T21:01:00.000-08:00

I have so much to tell you that it's only fair to break it up into three parts. The birth of our second baby was such a memorable experience that I really want to write down all the details because we know I don't have the best memory. So.

I went into labor Thursday night, January 12th.

JaNae and the gang left about five, just after we ate at Noodles and Co for dinner. My favorite. Apparently no one else feels the same? Everyone I take there is like, meh, it’s okay. Whatever, it’s delicious. Anyway, Isabelle and I came back to the Sacramento house to veg before bedtime and I started contracting just like I had the night before. I started timing them, just for fun. And by fun I mean to see if I was in actual labor. 6:00. 6:20. 6:33. 6:58. 7:06. Sort of painful, but not consistent. I assumed that they would peter out about 10 pm just in time for me to get a goodish night’s sleep, exactly as they had the night before.
I blogged, I contemplated baby hiccups, I watched project runway, I set out clothes for the morning and made sure the diaper bag was ready to go. 8:40. 8:54. 9:11. 9:23. 9:40. Closer together but nothing to write home about. I went to bed.

2 AM I woke up to use the bathroom. I noticed I was contracting again. The painful kind. 2:02. 2:11. 2:19. 2:31. It was uncomfortable to lie down so I got up and walked around, stopping to brace myself every few minutes. It felt good to sway so I swayed and I swayed while Isabelle slept peacefully in the other room. 3:15. 3:21. 3:29. Getting closer together. I started of kind of worrying that this might be it and I if I should bother Jazz to come down? The last thing I wanted was for him to get up in the night and drive down only for my labor to be a big fat false alarm. Heaven forbid I be a burden to my husband. I debated and danced around and soon I was really breathing through my contractions. FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS. I had this vision in my mind of not being able to get to the hospital and delivering my baby in my friend’s apartment. Not great etiquette. Finally, I gave up and called Jazz at about 4 am. I’ll never forget how he answered the phone.

“(sleepy grumble sleepy) Is it time!?”

“I think so!? You better call my mom.”

Less than 15 minutes later the two of them were on I-5 not speeding. Right mom? Not speeding at all. I knew I was going to eventually need to go to the hospital to be checked so I took a shower. Contractions got worse, so of course I blow dried my hair and put my makeup on. Jazz and my mom were two hours out, and it was starting to look like I was going to need to go to labor and delivery sooner rather than later – while I could still drive. 4:29. 4:35. 4:40. 4:44. OMG I’m going to have to drive myself to the hospital.

“Did you leave yet?”

“No, I’m straightening my hair.”

“Miccolene, GET TO THE HOSPITAL!”

People, you know I wasn’t about to go to the hospital in the middle of the night without getting ready. YOU KNOW THIS. No one wants to deliver a baby looking like a ragamuff. Contractions were coming about 4 minutes apart. Hospital was about 12 minutes away. I could get a lot done in those pain free three minutes between each contraction.

About 5:15 I gently woke up my sweet first born and told her we were taking a special trip to the hospital. She got right up and put her shoes and her coat on, all by herself. I grabbed the juice from the fridge and threw it in the bag, in the process spilling a good 4-5 ounces all over everything. I didn’t have time to clean it up so I threw my stuff in some grocery bags and we were on our way.

The roads were clear at 5:15 and we made it to the hospital in about 15 minutes. I had three contractions on the way, two at red lights and one in the parking garage. Bytheway, the parking garage is seriously four hundred miles away from labor and delivery. Who designed that. I waddled through the halls and had to stop during contractions, Isabelle happily ran beside me in her pajamas and fluffy ponytail. She was so good and obedient, bless her tiny soul. She was rewarded with an endless supply of delicious fruit snacks, which are basically candy for toddlers.

I showed up to the labor and delivery unit at 5:30, carrying two target bags of crap and a toddler in tow. Keepin’ in classy. At least my hair and makeup were done.

In triage I was checked and found to be a 3 plus. I was slightly disappointed, I knew labor could take days and I fully expected them to send me home. Hooked up to the monitors, they could see I was contracting regularly and decided to watch me for a few hours. At about 6:45, my mom and Jazz arrived, breaking all land speed records. I was so happy to see them I almost cried! I was saved. Plus Jazz brought me the latest People magazine.

I contracted and swayed and stood on my toes or WHATEVER felt good for two hours and I was checked again. By some labor miracle, I was a 4. I was actively dilating… and they decided to admit me. One way or another I was going to leave that hospital with a baby in my arms. I was in labor! All by myself! Yeah!

Lincoln Michael

2012-01-18T16:58:00.000-08:00

Lincoln Michael Sorensen was born January 14th, 2012 at 2:13 am

7 pounds, 9 ounces, 19 1/2 inches long

We are totally in love.

We are all home and healthy and happy and BOY do I have a story for you!

More to come.

40 weeks 4 days.

2012-01-12T21:12:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to update to let you all know we are still here! Surprise!

We had some visitors today which was SO WONDERFUL. JaNae brought Madilyn and Kira down for the day and I thought Isabelle was going to implode when she saw them. She wanted to run so badly but we were in a parking lot and I was holding her hand so she basically tetherballed around me. I'm so bummed I forgot my camera today- they were all so cute together. We had a great morning at Fairytale Town with a picnic where Isabelle was assaulted by a chicken. I kid you not, this giant red rooster BIT HER FINGER. She was holding a dried mango and apparently the chicken wanted it more than she did and snatched it out of her hand. She was thoroughly traumatized and will likely hate birds forever. All day she held up her little finger and said, "That chicken bite me!"

Anyway. We had some play/movie time in the afternoon here at the apartment, then to Arden Fair for a little shopping. Kudos to JaNae for taking all three girls on the carousal at the same time. Also, she brought muddy buddys..high on my list of awesome. It was so nice to spend the day with our family and I think Isabelle really needed a little bit of "normal life" just for awhile.

I'm feeling...close to the end. The baby is still moving a lot- actually he has the hiccups right now. I often wonder if its the last time I will feel them from the inside? Last night I had contractions for hours but they didn't get more painful or closer together and eventually I fell asleep. This is all very exciting for me because none of this happened when I was pregnant with Isabelle. The fact that I even had to time the contractions last night is huge, it's part of what I wanted to experience with a trial of labor. I feel very optimistic.

Jazz comes tomorrow, I can't believe it's Friday again already. Tomorrow will be our twelfth day in Sacramento. Longer than any vacation I've ever taken. I have two pairs of pants that fit me. My bra underwire actually snapped in half the other day just out of the blue while I was sitting still. I ate a whole box of frosted animal cookies in two days. Half of that I consumed in target before we paid for them. None of these are my finest moments.

Love that my ticker says my baby is 4 days old. No he isn't! Stop lying.

Day 9 in Sac...40 Weeks +1

2012-01-10T20:51:00.000-08:00

We are still here.

Me, Isabelle, and the ninja.

Yesterday was my 40 week appointment. All is still well- I'm more dilated and effaced than last week and the baby's head was quite a bit lower as well. ALL GOOD THINGS. There was a moment with the OB thought the baby had flipped and was breech and I said um scuse me no way please check that. But he was fine, head down, getting ready to come out.

So this is the part where we wait. I already feel quite a bit more uncomfortable than I ever did with Isabelle. I know I'm in early labor- I have quite a few contractions, my bones hurt, and there are other things which I will refrain from including on my blog. All signs point to imminent labor. Statistically my best chance of having a VBAC is going into spontaneous labor, ie, no medical help. However, because I have had a previous c-section, I just can't wait around forever. Lots of practices won't let you pass 40 weeks, so I am grateful for the chance to make it to 41 weeks on my own. I don't want to be induced but it's only fair that I play by their rules if I want them to work with me. Monday, January 16th is eviction day if the ninja does not come before then.

If and when we induce, it will be very, very slow. I do not need my cervix ripened, so there is no need for a foley balloon or any cervix ripening agents, I've done that on my own. Good job, self! My options are to have them break my water or start a low pitocin drip. Neither sound good to me, and at this point I'm not sure which way I will go. Nothing is fun about pitocin...but breaking my water automatically puts me on a delivery clock..which was one of my problems with my past labor/delivery.

At this point I still feel calm and fairly optimistic about the whole situation. Just seeing so many signs of labor this time versus last time is encouraging and gives me hope for a good trial of labor. There is light at the end of the tunnel and I'm ready to be at the other side.

Isabelle's been wonderful, despite not sleeping great slash not taking a nap today. REFUSED NAP. We almost lost Olivia last night at nordstrom's rack and omg if that wouldn't have been the devastation of the millennium. She slipped out of the stroller unnoticed, until I was strapping Izzie in her carseat and panic ensued. I told her that Olivia was lost and we had to go find her. She said, "oh no mom, I miss her! I miss O-wiv-ia!" We walked around the store until, there on the floor between some shoes Olivia turned up. Iz ran to her full speed and scooped her up and hugged the stuffing out of her exclaiming, "oh I was so worried!" Except she can't say her "r" sounds. Close call.

We had lunch today at a fantastic crepe place with my bestie Leigh. Like a little piece of home, seeing a familiar face.. especially one that brings gift wrapped stickers. Isabelle was delighted. Tomorrow we have more exploring to do, more walking, though it is getting increasingly more difficult for me.

Once again, stay tuned.

Adventures in Sacramento, Vol. 3

2012-01-08T21:54:00.000-08:00

My tag team partner has been here for the weekend. He arrived early Saturday morning and leaves tomorrow after my 40 week appointment. My 40 week appointment! It has been so nice to have my other half to help with Isabelle and take the load off.. I even got possibly the best pedicure of my life yesterday, all by myself!

Friday Isabelle and I toured the State Capitol building just for fun. We were by far the youngest patrons to visit, but it was still neat to see the senate rooms and where actual stuff happens. Isabelle knows I am slow and therefore she can run and get away from me quickly. Makes things interesting... even waddling has a top speed. Eventually we had to wander away from the slow moving tour and do our own thing.

Aaaaand those are the only pictures we got. The grounds are beautiful and I'd probably take her back again just to run around outside...That night we went to a delicious Italian place with my friend Whitney who lives in the area.. and I'm sure I talked her ear off because it was like Hey! An adult! Remember those! Thanks Whit. Saturday we spent our morning wandering Ikea and partaking of their meatballs. (PS: Lanny Mac- those Diem candies are no longer in stores. I stabbed the store worker.) Lots of walking = good for me and good for the toddler.

Today we hit the Sacramento Zoo, despite warnings that it is very small and quaint. We found out for ourselves that it is indeed small and quaint but we still had a good time. Because it was Sunday, only a few of us heathens were in attendance so we had the place to ourselves. Isabelle touched a snake! Two snakes actually. Nobigdil.

Isabelle is obsessed with carousels. Seriously, anytime she sees ones she totally lights up and gets so excited. There is one at the Arden Fair Mall we have been frequenting... though last time I got kicked off because I was pregnant. Apparently they didn't notice before? Not sure if I should be offended or flattered.

Anyway, Iz was so concerned for all the animals at the zoo. If she couldn't see one, or it was laying down, she said, "oh, he go nigh nigh." Like, they were sleeping. Then she wanted to let all the animals out. "They come out now? I want them out." We asked but they wouldn't let us open the cages... go figure.

Today was the first day that Isabelle asked to go home. I told her we were headed home to the sacramento house-- and she said, "no I don't want sacramento house. Go home." And my heart broke. Because even though it is a great adventure for us, I can tell she misses her people and her bed and her own stuff. She put her shoes on last night, grabbed her pretend purse and said, "I GO TO GRAMMAS. NOW." I know it is selfish of me to keep her here but I think the trade off will worth it. She has been such a good girl this whole time, such a trooper and I know she will be happy to be home. (Whenever that may be.)

Tomorrow is my due date, January 9th, and it seems surreal it is actually here. It always seemed so far off because of the holidays and everything, and now that its here I feel like I will be pregnant forever. This week we are doing *surprise* more walking. If all is well with my appointment in the am, Jazz heads home tomorrow. I planned a lot of our events for last week and now I'm running out of stuff to occupy our time. We will definitely go to the park again, and back to Fairytale town. More walking at the mall and a trip to babies r us in roseville.

Unless of course, we have a baby.

Adventures in Sacramento, Vol. 2

2012-01-05T21:01:00.000-08:00

Today is our fourth day on our adventure in the big city and we are starting to settle into a routine. Wake up, eat, bathe and get ready, go explore something, home for lunch/nap, playtime, food, do something, bed. I don't stay up very late because I'm a hundred months pregnant and all this being alive stuff is exhausting. It is slightly weird living somewhere unfamiliar- thankfully we have a garmin because without it I would literally find nothing. Though sometimes I think the garmin plays jokes on me and sends me in circles.. could just be all the one way streets downtown. Also I'm super thankful we have laundry in our place- every other day I do a tiny load of whites and a tiny load of colors to make sure we have the maximum outfits clean. My OCD personality likes having everything clean just in case of you know, like.. labor.

Yesterday we went to Southside Park, which is only like ten minutes from where we "live." The weather is beautiful-especially for this time of year, which I am grateful for so we don't go stir crazy in our cozy living space. There are parks all over the place here, some better than others- though we would pretty much be set with a slide and a swing. Isabelle's FAVS. I have learned that most parks are dirty and Isabelle needs to wear her play clothes outside at all times. We are working through our hand sanitizer like nobody's business.

This particular day Isabelle did not want her hair in ponytails. At all. no clip or bow or elastic. All day she kept saying that her hair was "cwazy" and that she "needs a haiwcut" and to "call lanece."

We were driving yesterday and she dropped her Buzz figure on the floor where I couldn't reach it. I told her I would get it when we stopped and she put her little head down all sad and said, "But... I MISS him." Best ever.

This morning we headed to Fairytail Town to explore. For $4 a person, you get into this big park where everything is fairytail themed... lots of slides and stuff to climb on. Again, dirty, glad she was in jeans and not her white leggings. I'm learning. This place was recommended by a few of my friends and I'm so glad we went- Isabelle LOVED it. If we are still here next week we will go again. We spent 2 1/2 hours running around and by the time we got back in the car she was TIRED. Success.

We also stopped at Freemont Bakery on our way home to pick up a treat for after lunch. Iz got a cookie, I got cake of course. (Not a whole one.) It was delicious, of course it is gone already. Probably why my shadow looked like this today:

Adventures in Sacramento, Vol. 1

2012-01-03T21:59:00.000-08:00

We are here. In Sacramento. Settled at our friend's condo. So far so good!

Jazz helped us move down yesterday and did all the macho lifting up two flights of stairs while me and Isabelle explored. We brought 4 big plastic bins from Lowe's- one for my clothes, one for Izzie's stuff, housewares, and toys. I feel like things need to be semi-packed in case we have to flee the scene quickly, you know? Also the first time I typed that, I used the spelling 'flea'. Nice, Micci. My hospital bag is also ready and remains in the car- I just need to grab a few toiletries on my way out. If and when I ever go into labor.

Today we started with cereal, gave Izzie a bath and me a shower, then returned a too-big Isabelle outfit to the rack. Right after that I was suddenly STARVING and the cuties I had in the car weren't cutting it. A friend of mine suggested Chick-fil-A as a good stop with a toddler so we pulled in. You guys, how have I never been there before? Polynesian sauce? Tiny chicken bites? Play place? Diet Dr. Pepper on tap? I AM SO IN. We will definitely be hitting that up again. After our lunch, we went to the hospital for my 39 week appointment. All is well- still measuring on track and looking good. For those who care (warning, cervix chat coming up) I'm dilated to 2 cms and I'm about 60 percent effaced. My OB stripped my membranes and we were on our way. (Sorry you had to read that, mom.)

After Isabelle had her nap, we played here for about an hour (yay for new Christmas toys), had dinner and headed to the mall to walk this baby outta me. Isabelle got to stretch her legs, I got to window shop post-Christmas sales and I successfully did not buy a single thing. Did you hear that Jazz? Not a thang. Actually, by the time we stopped at the grocery store and got home, it was 8 o-clock and we were both super tired. I laid by her in bed and did our routine and she put her hand under my chin like I was a little puppy. I cry at the drop of a hat these days and every tender moment I have with Isabelle puts me right over the top. I know that everything happens for a reason, and I'm so thankful for this time I have to spend with Isabelle, just she and I, on our "adventure" in Sacramento. I can not believe how much I love this child.

We have plans to hit some local parks, explore the Capitol (literally across the street) visit Fairytale Town and the Zoo, and try a bakery or two. Best case scenario, the baby comes soon. Other case scenario- we will be here for almost two more weeks. ("I don't know..it felt far".... name that show.)

So-- just to recap: we are killing time in sac, doctors say we are good to go, wishin/hopin/thinkin/prayin. Will keep you posted.

Isabelle at 27 months.

2012-01-01T22:20:00.000-08:00

2 1/4 years = SO MUCH FUN.

Can I just say that her transition to the twin bed has been (so far) perfection. She has been out of her crib for about two weeks now- and I guess she was just really ready because she has been thrilled. I was so worried about how she would react or if she would stop sleeping or just get out of bed a million times a night but honestly it has been the best adjustment ever.

She helped me shop for the sheets and the blankets...she went with us to the mattress store and laid on all the floor models. She helped bring the bed pieces into her room and assemble it. I think it really helped her to be excited to change beds instead of afraid of being out of her crib. We did our normal bedtime routine, got her settled and held our breath. And miracle of miracles, she went right to sleep.

The day we swapped out the beds, we hadn't quite been planning to go through with it. I guess Isabelle knew though because when I picked her up from her crib after her nap, she let me hold her for a long, long time. She put her little head on my shoulder and we rocked and swayed around the room for a good ten minutes while she woke up. I didn't know it was the last time I would get her from her crib- if I had, I'm sure I would have cried and cried because I'm just an emotional basketcase, especially about Isabelle growing up. Later that night, Jazz texted me that the crib was down and I was like but wait! She didn't get a last nap! Or a last sleep! We didn't say goodbyeeeeeee. Whatever, so emotional. I'll always remember lifting her up over the railing after her nap and dancing around the room with her.

So far, she hasn't once gotten out of bed. Even in the morning, she just hollers for us until we come and get her. She happily plays with her babies and her blankies until she is ready to get out. The best part about her being in a twin bed is that I can get in and lay right by her, read her stories and sing her songs. She plays with my hair and my face while we lie side by side until she is sleepy and I love it. When I get up to leave she says "Mama, STAY!" And omg if it isn't so hard to leave her room and let her sleep... I could stay there forever.

Also, she has been extra lovely lately. We refer to her as the "Sabrina" of our family...Hugs and kisses, running to me with open arms, clinging to my legs, wanting to be picked up sometimes. She pats my back and pets my hair and strokes my arm.. I can't get enough. She is really aware of the baby that is coming home soon. The other day she put her little hands on my tummy and said, "I hold baby?" I died. She knows where his room is and where he will sleep and that the clothes/toys/diapers are for the brother.

She can be so sweet when she wants to be but the girl knows how to throw a tantrum. Her latest thing is use of the word "now." I want pink juice. I want pink juice NOW. I want show. I want show WIGHT NOW. Hard not to giggle when she is so serious. Occasionally she is so distraught she lays on the kitchen rug face down to pout. Then I can't help but giggle.

She loves to go to my parent's house and play. Sometimes I take her over there and she says, "g'bye mom," like she wants me to leave. As if! She chooses one ponytail or two, depending on her mood. She likes me to curl her hair while she sits in the sink but the BEST ever is that she wanted me to paint her toenails. She sat so still while I painted them, then blowdryed them, then she sat in her pink chair for a good half hour to make sure they were totally dry. She will rip off her shoes to show her toes to anyone who will look at them. She also uses a teeny electric toothbrush and does a lot better brushing her own teeth from a stool in the bathroom.

Other stuff she says:

Be wiiiight back- when she leaves the room and then comes back
C'mon Jake- over and over the last week, trying to get Jake to chase her around
Wuv you too, mom- okay this melts my heart and turns me into a pile of goo
scuse me! or bless you! at the appropriate times.
holy cow, whoa nelly! when she is surprised by something
She counts "One, two, FIVE TEN" We are working on the middle numbers.

Tomorrow morning we leave on our "adventure" down to davis to set up shop until the ninja decides to grace us with his presence. We've packed toys/books/puzzles/clothes and anything we could imagine that we might need in the next little while to get us through... I am (selfishly) kind of sad that the era of just me and Isabelle is kind of moving on. Is that bad? Like, I'm thrilled that our family is growing but I also feel guilty knowing I won't have as much time to spend with her. I know we will be able to in the future..I guess I'm just thankful for every day I gave her 100 percent of my time.

My new year's resolution- have a baby. In the next two weeks. Let's do this thing.

our 2011 christmas day

2011-12-30T14:36:00.000-08:00

cookies and milk for santa//peeking around the corner//purple reading tent

christmas jammies and slippers//kung fu panda 2

stocking stuffers//buzz and woody//lollipop

band for mr. sorensen//pajama party

church time

pick a card.

2011-12-29T14:38:00.000-08:00

ATTENTION EVERYONE.

It's that time again.

The Second Baby Sorensen Prediction Giveaway!

We did this last time and it was super fun so of course we must do it again. Leave a comment with your best guess on the date and time of The Ninja's birth. Also include his height and weight in case of a tie. It is weird typing "his" instead of "hers"..will I ever get used to that?

The winner of this most extravagant giveaway will receive a homebaked treat from your truly and a handmade something awesome from Miss Isabelle herself. Both priceless treasures.

Here is what we know so far:

Official "due date" January 9th, 2012
I am measuring on track, today I am 38 weeks 3 days.
Jazz and I were both late. Isabelle was induced at 40 weeks 5 days...also late.
Isabelle weighed 7 pounds, 4 ounces and was 20 inches long.
Because I am a vbac candidate, I will not be permitted to gestate past 41 weeks. So technically the latest this baby can be born is January 16-17th.

Only 5 more sleeps in my own bed until we make the trek to Davis to stay for the duration. So crazy!

38 Weeks

2011-12-27T10:36:00.000-08:00

Did you survive Christmas? Ours was epic- really so much fun..I need to sort through the elevendy billion photos we took of those few days. Isabelle was such a treat to watch and interact with- made everything that much more exciting. Anyway, post to come.

Yesterday I hit 38 Weeks. The beginning of the end.

The checklist of things to do is getting shorter and shorter. Get hair colored. Unback baby accessories. Wash crib bedding. Pack newborn baby clothes. Check check check. Have Christmas. Check! My due date is two weeks away, and although I am technically considered full term and could pop anytime, I don't think we will be seeing this baby until he is good and ready. All of my doctor's appointments have been smooth and I am still measuring right on track. Isabelle measured a week large, even though she was tiny... so who really knows. I did get out some newborn diapers and was blown away by the size. I thought maybe they were preemie by accident because they are just so teeny tiny. They make Isabelle's size five diapers look like they are for shrek.

I'm definitely feeling it now..up to just a few weeks ago I was pretty comfortable and this is the part where everything makes me groan and say things under my breath like 'oh good hell.' And tons and tons BH contractions- like A LOT. Lots of trips to the bathroom in the night, which is fine because I'm awake anyway to rotate sides like a rotisserie chicken. I can't really cross my legs anymore. Makes church interesting. Girls, buy LONG maternity skirts.

I relocate to Sacramento permanently on the 3rd- where we will stay until the baby is born. We are HUGELY in debted to our good friends who have let us stay in their fully furnished vacant condo in downtown Sacramento. We totally couldn't do this without them... big answer to our prayers that they offered their wonderful space to us. I'm thankful I can carry this baby. I'm so thankful I have family who help SO much. I'm thankful for a reliable car and a safe carseat. I'm thankful for modern medicine and the opportunity to give birth at a wonderful hospital in Sacramento.

I held my friends 6 pound 1-day old baby boy this week and I was so jealous that hers is out and mine is still in and almost stole him. I did receive some puzzling looks walking through the hospital with my giant pointy belly like they weren't sure if I needed help or just directions. I almost faked labor just for fun but I didn't.

I'm so excited to meet this little baby boy I could burst. I hope I remember how to do stuff. It all comes back, right?

36 Weeks with the Ninja

merry and bright.

2011-12-24T15:51:00.000-08:00

Hail, hail the gang's all here! Of course, a family get together would not be complete with the burrito bandito. They even open up their extra room for us because we are basically a sports team of peeps.

Like her mama, Isabelle loves the 'rito.

Shortly after that, we had a caroling/cocoa party at moms house with our friends and family. Yes we are wearing santa hats, it was a requirement.

Isabelle was not super excited about the whole idea. Mostly she was not thrilled she didn't have a flashlight, and after that was fixed she was good to go. It was cooold though!

Then this morning we spent some time aggressively decorating gingerbread houses while we fulfilled our tradition of watching the Muppet Christmas Carol. Notice Isabelle is eating the candy. "One for the house, one for my mouth" kind of method. Very smart.

I was surprised actually how careful she was about candy placement. Very strategic. Again, more candy in her mouth.

Pretty soon the kids were done and the adults took over. (which was our plan all along...)

Our masterpiece. I would like to point out that Jazz created the fudge chimney all by himself.

Anyway, I'm so happy this weekend I just might explode. We are having SO much fun with everyone, Isabelle especially loves running around with her cousins. Right now she is napping (in her twin bed!) and I finished some Christmas Eve preparations- the stockings are hung from the chimney with care and we are so ready for tonight. I know I will have a hard time sleeping because I am THAT excited for Isabelle to wake up and experience Christmas morning.

We sure are missing our UT/PA Family though... Hope you all are having an equally as lovely weekend with those you love. Merry Christmas Eve!

it's practically here.

2011-12-21T15:10:00.000-08:00

Tonight the christmas festivities begin with the first wave of family arriving in town. More are coming tomorrow, and even more on friday. I'm so excited that 16 of us will be together for the holiday weekend- unless the ninja decides to join and then there will be an extra. Friday is caroling and cocoa, Saturday gingerbread houses and the crab feed, and Sunday is Christmas day. Hard to believe Christmas is here already! How many times can I say Christmas in this paragraph. Christmas christmas christmas christmas!

Every year Christmas gets more fun with Isabelle. This year she knows Santa is coming and she is excited to open her presents under the tree. I'm way more excited though to watch her experience the whole day. Why did no one mention it was going to be so much fun as the parent? We have carefully picked out her gifts and wrapped them with her little personality in mind..I'm so thankful we are able to provide for her and create this magical morning. My heart will totally explode.

Isabelle and I have been baking treats for our neighbors and friends, she is such a good helper. She likes to operate the mixer, add the ingredients and of course taste the frosting. "I have more mom? I have more!"

Also how did I forget to update about my pregnant sister? Surprise, it's MORGAN! So pleased to share the news that Baby Williams will be joining our family in June. We are so thrilled and excited for Mo and JR.

graduating.

2011-12-17T20:40:00.000-08:00

this is what's happening at my house right now.

the crib is put away.

so far so good. we will see.

I'm proud/excited/happy.

okay fine I did cry a little bit.

my baby is big.

2011-12-16T08:56:00.000-08:00

Isabelle had her first sleep over last Friday at my mom's house. Jazz had a company work party that was non-baby friendly so we planned to have a practice overnighter with Grandma. We got all fancy! Isn't my mom's tree so beautiful? She's the best.

Anyway. For the first time in 26 months, I left Isabelle for the whole night. I did really great all evening until we started driving home after frozen yogurt and the closer we got to our house without our Isabelle the more I started totally freaking out. I knew she was over at my moms, happily in a pack-n-play, not even missing me in the SLIGHTEST. But something about not having her in my car or in her bed or in my house made me lose my marbles. I totally bawled my eyes out and kept proclaiming to Jazz "She needs me! She misses her bed! She wants to come home!" And in reality none of those things were true. Damn pregnancy hormones. I let out a good cry and then it was over. I slept well, Jazz slept well, and when he stirred at 7:45 the next morning I was already awake- bright eyed and bushy tailed ready to go get her. The best part? Mom made pancakes and bacon and eggs. I recommend her services highly.

Just a few days before that, Isabelle figured out how to take off her pants and her diaper while she was in her crib. I knew it was coming, because let's face it she is super smart and trixy.. I thought she was totally sound asleep and I went in to make sure she was covered up and she was like SIKE I'm awake! And I don't have pants on! Or a diaper! Suckaaaa!

I was laughing too hard to be upset, it just really surprised me! After a few rounds of me putting on her diaper/clothes and her removing her diaper/clothes, I got the tape out. We skipped the scotch and went straight to the packaging tape. WHICH SHE GOT OUT OF. She shimmied out of the legs without undo-ing the tabs. Clever girl. (Name that movie.) I double taped her and after that she was too delirious and tired to figure it out. Time spent awake past bedtime = about an hour and a half.

The next night she did it again so we did the backwards zip up pajama trick- which totally worked. Fun fact-Isabelle will not sleep in fleece, or anything with feet. I've tried all kinds of brands and organic ones everything and she just hates all of them. MAMA FEET OUUUUT. Have you ever tried to find zip up pajamas in a 3T that don't have feet and aren't made of fleece? Not my favorite task. And I am awesome at shopping. Also, Isabelle is apparently tall. Every time someone asks how old she is and I reply that she just turned two, they marvel at her tallness. Thus the 3T pajamas.

After a few nights of the backwards zips, we went back to her regular rotation of two piece pajamas and she hasn't done the diaper trick again. (For now.) I just always worry about her tiny little feet being cold in the night...I'm hoping that once we get her in her twin bed she will stay warmer with a larger blankie. Or else we could resort back to the swaddle! I'm thinking she would probably houdini her way out of that too...

36 Weeks

2011-12-13T21:11:00.000-08:00

Welp. I'm 36 weeks.

We went to Davis again yesterday for my weekly checkup. This appointment began the cervical checks- yeahhh! I will spare you details but the appointment was wonderful and I met another great and supportive vbac doctor. I officially got the okay to move down there Jan 3rd instead of Dec 26th. If you're keeping track, I'll be 39 weeks at that point and ready to deliver at anytime. Hopefully. I go back every week until then.

It's hard to remember what it feels like to not be pregnant. Bending is getting difficult. I'm starting to get those looks from people like "dear heavens when is that baby coming out." I remember reaching this point last time and feeling like it would never end but I feel much more patient this time. Maybe it's because Christmas has to happen first or maybe it's because I'm in no rush to be induced. Either way, I'm still pretty comfortable and sleeping well. I do get out of breath super easily it's embarrassing. I sound like a super fat wheezy old man.

The word of the month is NESTY. I just want to get everything set and ready in case the ninja comes early or we have to go to Davis. You know, in a perfect world I'd love to leave my house clean and laundry done but also like HA yeah right. Today I tackled the baseboards, doors and blinds and they were dirty to the max. Of course, now that I'm finished I may never be able to move again but at least that stuff is clean. The baby's room is ready- as ready as it can be without a crib. I made a tiny pile of baby boy things to take to the hospital and still need to gather everything else I need. Which, by the way, seems overwhelming to pack for at least ten days stay for me, Isabelle, toys and entertainment, hospital stuff, postpartum stuff, new baby stuff, and anything else we may need while we are away from home.

I'm hungry a lot. I can not drink enough hot chocolate. I buy the sugar free kind so it's 20 calories a serving but I drink two servings at a time. Today I've had three cups. Thats 6 servings. WHATEVER it's basically free calories, right. I'm also having tons and tons of braxton hick's contractions- especially when I'm active or lifting Isabelle a lot. I don't mind them because I know they are a way of preparing so bring it on! Also I have twelve chins. This baby moves a ton and I can't remember if it is more or less than Isabelle did (what is it about pregnancy that makes you forget everything.) He also gets the hiccups every single day without fail.

We did get a sneaky ultrasound last week just for fun thanks to some awesome people at Jazz's work. It's so nice to have perks like that! Baby is head down and measuring right on track, of course he was stubborn and would not let us see his face other than his cute little lips. I can't believe how much bigger he is than last time we saw him on screen-- I thought his hand was his face until the tech was like ummmm no those are his fingers, his head is over HERE and it's HUGE.

Also, we may have a name! Just maybe.

33 Weeks with the Ninja

28 Weeks with the Ninja

26 Weeks with the Ninja

23 Weeks with the Ninja

19 Weeks with the Ninja

14 Weeks with the Ninja

37 Weeks with baby Isabelle

PS: Exciting news...the ninja will have a baby cousin in June! Can you guess who is pregnant?

naughty or nice.

2011-12-11T15:39:00.000-08:00

Isabelle met Santa last night. The IDEA was exciting for her, but the actual follow through was not so much fun. This is when Santa was getting up on stage. Nothing could get her to break her stare and look at the camera.

Her little face when Santa entered the room.

Aaaand we tried super hard.

But she was terrified. Olivia did great though.

She was cool after she got her bag of treats. In fact, she didn't let go of the bag until bed time.

Maybe next year?

PS. One year ago:

some park time

2011-12-10T12:44:00.000-08:00

Well we sort of experienced a slow warm up to winter Last week it was 65-70 ish all week long and it felt like the summer time to me. Could be my built in incubator, I seriously am hot all. the. time. Because of this weather we've been able to be outside during the day quite a bit before it gets dark at basically 4 pm. There is this super park in our town, not technically in our neighborhood in fact it is sort of out of the way but it's my favorite. Isabelle can climb and slide to her heart's content and this time of year it isn't very busy at all.

The OCD gene in Isabelle makes her "clean" the tiny bark bits off the stairs as she climbs up. She is so particular. I can't help but really super enjoy the little time I have left of just me and Isabelle together... she is my only baby that will be the only child for any period of time- after this there will always be more then just one! I feel like this is the calm before the storm...

Also: Isabelle figured out she can take off her pants and diaper while in her crib. More to come on that.

because she's just funny.

2011-12-07T09:07:00.000-08:00

This is how Isabelle fell asleep for her nap the other day:

Let's count them: Mouse, Leilani, Alice, Tiny baby, and Olivia. And her pillow. In a pile.

Made me laugh. She's such a funny baby. NOT A BABY. But, you know.

Also funny. Sunday we went to church like normal. It lasts three hours- the first hour ish Isabelle sits with us, and the remaining time she goes to nursery with the other babes. There are some very wonderful ladies that take care of them and it doesn't make me worry, they even have a teeny window in the door so we can spy if we want to. Anyway, if Iz gets a "bad diaper" they bring her to us so we can change her.

About 5 minutes before our meetings were over, Jazz appeared in the door with Isabelle in his arm, needing the diapers and wipes to take care of business. He snuck to my chair, grabbed the bag, and was juuuuust about out the door when Isabelle turned around and loudly proclaimed, "I POOH." Except she says it like "PEW." A lovely lesson was being given on the subject of virtue... and there was nothing virtuous about my two year old's interruption. I laughed so hard I cried a little bit.

radvent.

2011-12-06T14:04:00.000-08:00

Advent Calendar = best invention ever.

I've always wanted to do a fun advent calendar- I've been scouting out good ones for a while now, contemplated making my own (no no no) and once again, TJ Maxx came through with a solid. Isabelle was too little last year to understand/enjoy such a game, but this year she is TOTALLY into it. So am I.

So my mom found this gem for us at a totally affordable price. Have you seen the ones from pottery barn or land of nod? Crazy expensive. I wanted the doors to be big enough to actually put things into, and this was perfect.

I started collecting crap for it a few weeks ago- dollar bin stuff and sales, Christmas themed art projects and little special candies. I wasn't sure if Iz would get it but it is seriously her favorite part of the day. PLUS. It makes her excited to eat breakfast in her chair since we get to open the calendar box right after.

Some items are too big for the box- like her Christmas plate and coloring book... I just made a paper ornament with the item written on it- she puts the ornament on the tree while I get the actual gift from the closet. Works perfectly.

After she opens the box and enjoys whatever is in it, she yells ANOTHER PRESENT and claps. It makes me so giddy for Christmas morning, I seriously can't wait. Lucky for us, we have 18 more mini presents to open in the mean time! Random crap that is in there: a tiny slap bracelet, mini slinky, new crayons, santa paint set, mini m and ms, dumdums, a teeny tea cup, tiny felt purse, Christmas stickers, a new dvd, and paintable ornaments.

Christmas is so much more fun with a little person around.

two peas in a pod.

2011-11-29T21:44:00.000-08:00

Isabelle and I are a bit under the weather. She had the croup. Then one day she threw up on me. Then the other end started acting up. Now she has a runny nose cold and the croup cough has returned. What gives? Just that time of year I guess. I'm hoping she is getting it all out of her system now before we have a newborn. (!) I just have a run of the mill cold, which is fine until night time when I lay down and feel like there is lead in my nasal passage. Wish there were some sort of magic potion I could take- like MEDICINE but alas.

Anyway. Today was a pajama day filled with nursery projects and play doh and laundry. Isabelle learned where the tissues are and every so often she would sniff and yell TISH and run to the bathroom. She must have figured out that I'm not feeling well either.

Tonight we sat down after dinner to watch toy story while Jazz was on his weekly bike ride. She climbed up on the big couch and fluffed a pillow and laid down. I had a particularly big sneeze. She came over to me and said, Mama, lay down, and pointed to the other end of her big couch. I went over and sat but she said no mama, LAY. So I laid down. She went to her room and got me her blankie. And then she found Leilani and tucked her under my arm. Then she wiggled back onto her end of the couch, and the two of us sat end to end with our pillows and blankies and babies while she played with my toes.

If you would have told me this story when I was 34 weeks pregnant with Isabelle in August 2009, I'm sure I wouldn't have believed you. I would never have believed that my baby would be so sensitive, so adorable and loving, and so much my best friend. I get so choked up thinking of her little soul when she was waiting to come down to earth, and how there is another soul preparing to join us. I remember how I felt during those last months before Isabelle came, and how I wondered about her. Everything we know about her is infinitely better than I ever imagined it could be. And now as I wonder about new baby boy, I can't help but be excited to have my expectations blown again.

I'll take a sick day with this one anytime.

couple things.

2011-11-29T07:46:00.000-08:00

First. Black Friday.

Let's discuss.

A few years ago I blogged about how much I LOVED black friday. I did love it, it was awesome. Early morning, great deals, shopping by myself...perfection. This year it came to my attention that stores started opening as early as 10 pm ON THANKSGIVING. A national holiday. This is where my love for this shopping experience puffs up into smoke. The idea of people rushing to wal-mart post-sunset to stand in line for three hours seems astonishing to me since it's on a HOLIDAY. Yes, the good sales started at midnight, but when I moseyed on down to the mall at 7:45 AM the next morning, the sales were still going strong. I'm thinking that if it keeps getting earlier every year, we will be dragging our turkeys to the target parking lot for tail gating. I super hope we don't get to that.

I did go out and brave the (not so bad) crowds for a few hours and got some good things- although our small Macy's was disappointing to the max. Jazz stayed with Iz so I could "powershop" and be home before 11, it was perfect. I actually did better shopping online- the gap was having a pretty good sale and you can never beat the no tax/free 2 day shipping on amazon prime. I have probably have three things left to buy and I am DONE. Now to wrap.

Second. Breaking Dawn.

Let's discuss.

I went with some girlfriends to see the movie and I seriously had to keep turning my head and snickering to myself because OMG it was so cheesy. Bella is just not cute and her expressions are horrible and the wolves had a cartoonesque conversation with themselves and the baby's birth was absolutely ridiculous. I kept turning to my friend like is this for real? This really made and produced and this was the final product? Really? Best part was when they announced the baby's name as Renesmee- some dude in the back made a huge toot noise and everyone laughed. Well done, random movie patron.

Third. The immanent arrival of the ninja.

Let's discuss.

Now that we won't be having any more guests in our spare room- it's time to transform it into a nursery. So far everything is piled neatly in the closet or stacked in a storage bin, I'm feeling so nesty to wash everything and sort it and organize til my heart's content. I forgot to buy shelf liner at target this morning (the main reason why I went.) and I'm kicking myself because I just really want to put some tiny baby socks away, you know? And hang the mobile. And mount some shelves. Okay so I wanna get the whole room done but with Christmas around the corner, can you blame me? My ticker says 41 days to go, I can't believe how short that seems.

SPEAKING OF.

Christmas.

Let's discuss.

Shopping for Christmas is always fun, but shopping for ISABELLE for Christmas makes me giddy. Every time I find something I think about her little face as she opens it. This year she is really understanding things more- she knows who Santa is, and who baby Jesus is and she totally loves the lights up everywhere. We went to my moms the other day after she had put up her Christmas decor and her eyes got all big and she said "WHOA." Whoa indeed, little one.

Something about the red and green and twinkle lights around my house, combined with a christmas candle and some pandora music just makes every day fantastic. Most people love the holiday season and I'm in agreement, it's just the most wonderful time of the year.

to be thankful for

2011-11-24T11:44:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving 2008:

Thanksgiving 2009:

(if you think we look tired, see next photo.)

Thanksgiving 2010

Thanksgiving 2011

This year I'm thankful

for my tiny baby who is grown and happy and healthy and hilarious

for my rotund jolly belly and the ninja baby it represents

for my besty beardy Jazzy

for the plethora of family and friends gathering today

for the twinkle lights gracing my home

for sugar free hot chocolate

for online shopping
for my Savior

a shower for baby boy sorensen

2011-11-22T14:21:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday, my sister-in-law threw me the most adorable woodland themed baby shower. I feel so spoiled! She wanted to do something very small and casual since this is my second baby and I felt so honored and loved. A few of my close friends gathered for food and presents- my kind of party!

How cute are these owl cupcakes? JaNae knows I'm not a chocolate cupcake lover, so she made pumpkin cream cheese. I think I ate twelve.

All the details were so cute and thoughtful.

They also had an advice tree for me. I know nothing about baby boys. NOTHING. Help wanted.

And you guys will die when I show you this. This dresser belonged to my great-grandmother at her cabin in Utah and JaNae has had it in her garage for awhile. I pinned a similiar one to my pinterest board for the baby's room and JaNae saw that and TOTALLY REFINISHED IT FOR ME. Can you even believe that? It is so beyond perfect for the nursery changing table- the yellow is the perfect color and the legs are the perfect little spindles and it even has wheels like the one I pinned. She did such an amazing job and she was SO generous to give that to us as a gift. I was so giddy when I saw it.

Seriously I looooveee itttttttt. I can not wait to get the nursery more complete so I can show you for realsies.

Kelly and Tiff (who both helped a ton). We went to high school together and now we're all having babies at the sameish time.

Mom and me and my sisters!

JaNae, Mom, Me, Lanece, and new friend Tiffany

Everyone was so generous- every gift was a total reflection of my style and were totally things I would buy. I have such great friends, and this new baby is s-p-o-i-l-e-d. Thank you so much for making me feel so special!

33 Weeks

2011-11-20T20:58:00.000-08:00

Here I am at I'm 33 weeks. 8 months. Less than 50 days. In my magical black pregnancy pants.

It is getting more real to me that there is a finish line in sight. I was telling someone about how this pregnancy has gone faster than the first one... then I reminded myself that I have been pregnant longer than my sisters have been married. So, there's that. Anyway, I feel really great for 33 weeks. Despite the hugeness and the fat face and the not being able to pick stuff off the floor, I'm mostly comfortable. I had a measuring tape out for a sewing project and just casually measured my belly and then I wished I hadn't because damn. Sleeping is getting only slightly more difficult as rolling over involves a three step process.

This week was my big appointment at the UC Davis hospital in Sacramento. (See why I am transferring my care to Davis here.) As you know, Isabelle was super sick with the croup but I could not miss this appointment so Jazz took a half day from work and me and mom zipped down the 5. Right away I could tell that the hospital is ginormous. It is on a university campus so there are like a million buildings and huge parking structures and residents and nurses and patients everywhere. The doctor I met with was wonderful...we had a good conversation about labor and delivery expectations and when they want me down in that area, how everything will go etc. When I left I felt empowered, not discouraged, like hey I can do this! She gave me about a 70 percent success rate for a VBAC, which is significantly greater than the 0 percent I have here in Redding.

There are some conditions, of course. They would like me to be permanently in the Sacramento area around 38 weeks, which puts me basically the day after Christmas. I'm thinking closer to 39 weeks is more realistic, but if I had my way I would stay home until my due date UNLESS there are signs of labor. They will let me gestate up to a week over my estimated due date, which is good because some hospitals won't let you go over at all when you are trying for a VBAC. Other things: I have to be continually on a monitor once at the hospital, I have to have an epidural line placed even if I don't want the medicine right away- just in case of an emergency c-section, and I have to start my weekly appointments down there at 36 weeks. which means, yes driving to Sacramento basically every Monday during the Christmas season. Plus side- shopping.

Overall I was very impressed. My doctor down there is younger and just recently had a baby of her own, and I feel like she really knows whats current with labor and delivery. I feel like sometimes Redding is out of touch with current information and falls behind compared to the rest of the world. All the doctors at the women's center encourage VBACs, so even if my doctor isn't available to help me deliver, it's nice to know that I will (hopefully) be treated the same.

In other news, I've started some projects for the baby.. Isabelle "helped" me sew a little blanket for the ninja, and in the next few weeks we will make the switch from guest room to nursery. And probably buy diapers. I'm just feeling very nesty and as a result- I have put up Christmas. No complaints or judging, whatever I don't care. I am going to enjoy this season as much as I can and if it means throwing my tree up a few days early, then so be it. I've been to Joanne's fabrics like seventy times in the last few weeks and the poor woman that cuts my fabric off the bolt must me so confused with what I'm making. Baby boy stuff! Christmas decor! Thanksgiving crap! Nursing cover! Schizo pregnant lady.

Nothing to report on the baby naming process.

Random stuff that I may want to remember next pregnancy: No feet swelling! So yay for that. Though it might be because I wear my danskos literally every single day. I mostly wear just my engagement band now, no point squeezing all three rings on my sausage finger. Um, also I am hot all the time. Don't tell Jazz but I had the air conditioning on at one point last week because the open windows/fans were just not cutting it. I can't imagine ever wearing a coat ever again. Also, did anyone else have way more braxton hicks with their second baby than their first? I can barely remember having any with Isabelle, and this time it's like constant. The baby moves a lot, especially about 2-3 pm when Isabelle is napping and I have some quiet time to myself, I really notice the squirming.

I'm overwhelmed with excitement and the upcoming holidays and the smell of cinnamon pine cones in my kitchen. Christmas decorations are like a natural drug for me- I just feel so happy during this time of year I might burst. Add in Isabelle, who makes everything twelve times as fun, a helpful bearded husband, and this baby on the way and it's almost too much excitement to handle. Family coming and going, colder weather, hot chocolate every morning... I wish it was Christmas year round.

28 Weeks with the Ninja

26 Weeks with the Ninja

23 Weeks with the Ninja

19 Weeks with the Ninja

14 Weeks with the Ninja

33 Weeks with Isabelle

the croup is crappy.

2011-11-12T21:00:00.000-08:00

Last night about 10:00 Isabelle woke up making a weird sound. I heard her on the monitor and we both went in to get her back to sleep.

Except she wasn't crying, she wasn't upset, she simply couldn't breathe. Her breath was short and raspy and she was literally barking like a dog with every breath. I scooped her out of her crib and onto my lap, thinking maybe her throat was dry, sent Jazz to get a drink for her. When she refused a drink I knew something was wrong. She looked so panicked and scared, her little eyes looking at me begging me to fix it.

I didn't know what else to do but immediately call my dad. Jazz called. Told him Iz wasn't breathing well and could he please come over. He listened to her breathing via speakerphone and mom told me to sit in the bathroom with the shower on to create steam until they got here.

Izzie and I sat on the toilet with the shower water running, and she clung to me with Olivia squished right in between and waited, I patted her back and tried to rock her back to sleep. She had a hard time getting comfortable on me since I have this giant baby in my uterus taking up all the real estate. And she couldn't breathe.

My parents arrived, my dad with his medical bag in tow. He carefully listened to her breathing while she layed in my arms. Croup, he said. Isabelle has a case of the croup. I have no idea where she picked this up, but I was shocked how quickly it went from zero to omg.

We spent the next couple of hours alternating time in the steamy hot bathroom and sitting on the freezing cold patio. Dad assured me that it was a mild case and that she wouldn't stop breathing but to keep a close eye on her in case it got worse or she started drooling or became unresponsive. To me it sounded like "womp womp womp this is really bad womp womp womp."

The croup is a respiratory infection type thing that happens in the airway. Makes the throat swell, which makes breathing hard, and causes that horrible barking sound. I'm not kidding, she sounds like a seal at pier 39. After switching between the hot and cold temperatures, she calmed down and seemed really asleep. We laid her in her bed, and she seemed wheezy but fine. She slept pretty good, waking only a couple times until 6 AM when she started the barking again. I was actually really surprised she slept that long.

I got up with her and did the patio/bathroom song and dance for a few hours until Jazz was awake. Despite that, her breathing seemed more labored. Even when she couldn't breathe she still looked super cute. We watched sesame street outside on the porch so she wouldn't run around and get worked up and then not be able to breathe and then freak out. She thought it was the greatest day ever.

Later this morning, her wheezing (called stridor, thanks dr. sumsion) got really bad and she sounded horrible to me. In and out, in and out, struggling. And then she barfed. I was told it would get better during the day, worse at night, so when it got worse during the day I assumed it not getting better on its own.

I'm not one to overreact about health issues, and I'm not the worrier of the family. (Rhymes with Flazz.) But I can honestly say I have never been so worried about Isabelle ever in her life. I had visions of her coughing so hard that she couldn't catch her breath, or that she would literally stop breathing. I've never dealt with a breathing problem like this so I honestly have no experience in the matter. And from what little I know about life, breathing tends to be high on the list of important things to do.

Once she started drooling this morning, I really started to worry more. A few calls to dad later, he came over and listened to her again. Because he is awesome. Can I just say, I don't know what we would ever do without having someone so close to call and ask for medical advice. Like, what do normal people do, go to the ER? I guess that's what we would have done last night at ten pm. I'm so thankful we didn't have to sit at the hospital to wait for Isabelle to be seen. Everybody needs a father that makes house calls, I'm just lucky to have mine so close. And that he is such a good physician.

At about noon today we got some steroids in her to help the inflammation. She immediately fell asleep and slept for almost two hours, she was so tired. Tonight she seems much better. She is still wheezing with every in and out of her breath, and occasionally we get a barking attack, but nothing like this morning. We've spent the day gently playing and having a Pixar marathon, drinking pedialyte and eating miniature popsicles.

Look how sad she looks. She FELT sad. Every little look and gesture was so sick and pathetic I just wanted to wave a magic wand and fix everything. She keeps asking for milk too- "Momma, milk...milk momma..." which she can't have and it is KILLING me to offer her juice instead.

I know this wasn't anything really serious and Isabelle will come out of this croup thing with flying colors and a story to tell, it still makes me appreciate her being healthy on a daily basis. Nothing is worse than feeling helpless, you know? Mom told me that when my twin bros were little, they got a bad case of the croup and she spent nights running them out to the fire escape in their tiny salt lake apartment. Eventually they had to be admitted for a few days so they could get better and I'm SO THANKFUL for modern medicine and my on-call personal doctor.

She's sleeping, and I'm tired too. Rest baby Isabelle, rest.

Izzie as of late.

2011-11-10T12:23:00.000-08:00

I knew this was coming.

People warned me.

I've witnessed it with other children.

Isabelle is in her twos. I'm not saying 'terrible' because she is still the cutest thing ever born. But.

She suddenly has this attitude that proclaims "I do what I want. I'm two."

She runs away from me all the time. Time to brush your teeth! She flees. C'mere, let me put your coat on. Aaaand shes gone. The more pregnant I get, the more fun it is to peel her off of the floor behind the rocking chair.

She bit a few holes in a foam sword last week. Like chunks of foam. Like with her teeth.

Tantrums, laying on the floor in super clean public places. Classic toddler stuff.

This morning we had some new friends over to play, and she hardcore shoved a one-year old on the ground. Not like a playful push, like a GET AWAY shove. Horrified, I grabbed her and took her out of the play room to discuss. I guess it is time to have that conversation with Jazz about "what do we do here."

She is still so much fun- the stuff she says lately is KILLER. She says "momma" after everything. No, momma, yes momma, more momma- it's my favorite. When she answers me in the affirmative, she says "I do I do I do I do!" like she's so excited she can hardly stand it. She also says stuff like, "No I don't wanna go nite nite" She also wants to help do everything. I hide! I see! I help! I climb! So emphatic and so proud of herself. I'm proud of her too. She loves to color, and I showed her how to trace her hand so she does that every time she sees paper. Looks less like a hand and more like squiggles, but thats okay. She also draws the sun (more squiggles) and snakes, which definitely are squiggles, and she just calls them "Sssssss!"

Jazz had a minor bike accident last week and scraped up his leg pretty good. Every time Isabelle sees his leg, she runs to the bathroom for his "medicine" which is just antibiotic ointment and brings it out to him, pretends to squeeze it on his leg, and proclaims it all better.

She loves to walk around the preserve and feed the ducks. We take a bag of duck friendly food and sit on a bench about 20 feet from the pond and the ducks are NOT shy at all, they literally start waddling up to you as fast as they can. There is one rogue goose who I guess has an identity problem but whatever, and seriously I thought it was going to sit on my foot. We like to yell SHOO at them until they get the point and get back in the water. Makes her laugh hysterically every time.

The other night, I was rocking her to sleep which I haven't done in awhile...usually she is so tired, she passes out on her own. I held her like I do and sang her favorite duck song and recited the goodnight book. I watched her little face fall asleep and her mouth pop open and of course I started to cry. Because I could see her soft skin and her perfect features, because I could feel that her soul is so close to our Heavenly Father, and because she is all mine. I felt hot tears on my cheeks, and without opening her eyes, her brows furrowed and her tiny sleepy voice asked, "Mama sad?"

With a closed throat, I told her I wasn't sad, that I love her so much that it makes me happy and sometimes happy people cry. As she gets more independent, I'm realizing that I will never, ever regret the time I have spent rocking my little child to sleep.

Even if she does run away from me.

blobby.

2011-11-07T13:55:00.000-08:00

This is how I feel as of late. Blobbish. Suddenly I'm packin on the pounds like my life depends on it and even though I KNOW it is part of pregnancy and that this is to be expected, it's still hard to deal with. I can literally gain two pounds in one day, easily. The problem is that I am hungry alll. the. time. Allthetime. Like an hour after my 3-egg breakfast I'm wondering what I can snack on because I feel like I haven't eaten anything all day. Cereal always sounds amazing, but its basically empty calories and never ever fills me up so I'm only 'allowed' to have it once a week. Warm carby things sound good. Treats sound good. I can't get enough chocolate which is weird considering it was disgusting the first half of this pregnancy. Anything pumpkin flavored? I'm totally in. I found white fudge oreos at Target this week, the first of the season I am sure, and seriously I have to ration them to make them last longer than one day. Even at 100 calories A PIECE they still hold a special place in my food heart.

You know what doesn't sound good? Fruit, salads, vegetables. Healthy stuff. I'm drinking enough water to sail away on and it still doesn't curb my rabid appetite.

I still have 9 weeks to go (probably more like 10) and if I continue like this I'll be 400 pounds by the time we are finished here. Not to mention- we are rounding the corner on the holiday season which means treats treats treats.

I have to remind myself that I have gained considerably less than my first pregnancy. Less than half so far. But because I started out more than a few pounds cushier, I'll likely hit my max weight again. SO MUCH FUN. The thing that bothers me the most is the Fat Face Syndrome. Fine if my belly grows and my legs expand and my hips span the grand canyon. Fine. But I hate that I'm getting twelve chins and that I suddenly have no facial profile.

Trying to keep in perspective: it doesn't matter as long as baby/mom are healthy, it's a temporary problem and will eventually fix itself, there are worse things than having 12 chins. (But really are there.)

Our Alice

2011-11-03T14:16:00.000-07:00

Isabelle was dressed up as Alice in Wonderland for Halloween this year. We chose this because a) we spent time in Disneyland b) it has no hat/wings/tutu/weird accessories and c) she just looked adorable in it.

We got all ready and found her at the door with some random pair of sunglasses like LET'S GO.

We spent most of the evening at my mom's house. This is HER holiday really, she goes all out and had a big sloppy joe dinner for our friends and family. Skeletons having a tea party on the porch? Check.

Aaaaaand my mom, Captain Jack. Really, does it get any better than this?

You know you are legit when you spend 30 minutes at the bead store picking out the exact perfect pattern for your fake beaded dreadlock.

We enjoyed sort of a low key evening since Iz still doesn't really get the point of Halloween (candy!) and she wasn't feeling great. I gave her a bath about 4 pm before she got into her costume and as I was cleaning one of her ears she said OW MAMA. She kept saying Grandpa, grandpa, and I finally connected it. I asked her if she wanted Grandpa to look at her ears (he does occasionally when we suspect an ear infection) and she said yes so we went to Grandpas house, where she obediently laid down on one side so he could check her ears. Sure enough, one ear was fine, the other had an infection. SMARTEST BABY EVER. We cruised through the empty safeway aisles at about 7 pm waiting for her prescription before hitting our three trick or treat houses. Success.

disneyland picture vomit

2011-11-02T10:36:00.000-07:00

I took over 400 pictures on this trip, mom says thats about average for me. Out of the 400, I bookmarked 46 of them that I thought were too freaking adorable not to share with everyone in the whole wide world. Then I had to cut them down some more and this is what is left. Let's be honest..probably close to 46. Just know it was hard for me to edit them down to this final list because I'm an over-sharer and a picture whore. Mom, sorry that I said whore on my blog.

We left late Wednesday night, our flight wasn't until 9 pm from Sac and Isabelle was an amazing traveler. She received this owl backpack for her birthday and actually packed it full of stuff (okay I did that part) but she willingly carried it around the airport in her halloween jammies, her arms in the air because she thought it was going to fall off. I died.

Storybook ride. Or the one with the "BOAT"

Teacups was probably Isabelle's favorite ride. We rode it a few months ago and she was like, eh I'm unimpressed... but this time it was like the magic ride from heaven. I could hear her laughing from the side- HUGE smile on her face.

Iz also loved Minnie's house. Here she grabbed the door and said, "BYE MOM" and tried to shut it.

We did this slide only about 50 zillion times.

Merry-go-round, Isabelle's other favorite. When it starts going she says, "Weeeeeeee!"

The second morning, we went to meet the Princesses. If you go, go early because the line gets crazy ridiculously long and moves slowly. We only had to wait about a half hour, which was super quick. Isabelle is Alice, Madilyn is Cinderella. We met Cinderella and Snow White and Madilyn was SO cute and animated/excited to see them. Isabelle was probably more excited to be matching 'June.'

Friday night we picked up Jazz from the airport and it was SO much fun to have him there with us.

Isabelle's cheese face.

This picture makes me want to BITE HER CHEEKS.

All of Isabelle's cousins on her Sumsion side... did I mention the whole family came?

This was one of my favorite moments of the whole trip. Isabelle, totally wiped out, asleep in her stroller with her hand tightly wrapped around her balloon string. Seriously, it was so cute.

Well, here we all are. SIXTEEN OF US. This was the last morning together- sad- but I'm so glad we paused for a family picture. Not sure when we will all be together again!

Family picture..there are technically four of us there! So weird! I think I kept up pretty well considering my giant 30-week pregnant body. I'm super good at waddling, plus now I think I know the location of every single bathroom in the park. My dad wore a pedometer and clocked over 30 miles walked for the weekend. THIRTY MILES. That's more than a marathon!

Alright, so get this. On Sunday, we had until about 1:30 in the park before we had to go the airport. Isabelle fell asleep on the bus ride to our car. She stayed asleep when we moved her into the car, stayed asleep at the airport in the stroller, stayed asleep as we hauled her through security, from my shoulder to Jazz's since we both had to be searched. (awesome.) She stayed asleep back in the stroller, all the way to the gate, LOADED ON THE PLANE, AND THROUGH MOST OF THE FLIGHT. That is how you know you have worn her to a frazz. It was awesome.

With so many of us at the park, we just split up into groups and did whatever we wanted. Then we would meet up for a corndog or some mexican food, swap the babies around and go for more rides. Grown ups had time to chat, the kids had TONS of fun running wild and climbing things, and by the end of the three days, I think we were all worn out.

The best part was having Jazz there to see how much Isabelle loves everything. This is Isabelle's fourth trip to the park, but only her first with her dad. I am horrible wife/awesome mother. Even though it was only a few days, it sure felt like a great vacation with the whole family there.

Other highlights include:

-Eating hot pancakes at a sticky-table diner at 8:30 pm

-Lovely warm weather- no sweaters required

-Isabelle's first ticketed flight (thankfully! my lap is running out of room.)

-Eating more treats than should be allowed.

-Mom's one-liners

-1 corn dog, 2 churros, one bag of chocolate pretzels and a vat of caramel popcorn

quickstyle...

2011-11-01T09:19:00.000-07:00

We've returned.

We even made it to the Halloween festivities.

But... I'm super behind on blogging.

Case #1: Disneyland trip, probably a two parter (400+ pictures to sort through)
Case #2: Halloween featuring Alice and the greatest Jack Sparrow ever to live.
Case #3: 30 Weeks update

Just a teaser...

The Transition.

2011-10-21T21:56:00.000-07:00

Soooooo I think it is time for Izzie to upgrade to a larger bed. Everyone keeps telling me that if she tries to climb out, she is ready to move up. Our crib is particularly tall, and our child has particularly Sabrina-esque legs, so she doesn't try to escape. She does, however, show interest in sleeping in a larger, more comfortable bed like "June" does. She does get stuck in weird positions sometimes and I know she would like more room. My pediatrician said anytime now she could make the switch and it would be fine for her. BUT WHAT ABOUT FOR ME.

Here are my concerns:

-She loves her crib. Seriously, sometimes she is so tired and happy to get in it, she giggles.
-She doesn't always sleep through the night, remember.
-How will I ever keep her inside the bed.
-What will prevent her from getting out and walking around at night.
-And also the sleeping through the night thing.
-Will this ruin her naps.
-Will this ruin any sleep I have remaining before the Ninja is born.

We totally have a twin bed for her in the garage, ready to go. I would like to take her crib down completely and put it away before the new baby needs it, that way shes not all, "Mom, he gets all your time AND my bed? I DON'T THINK SO." Ideally, I'd like to get out the bed frame, have her help us put it together, put her new adorable sheets on it, etc. so she gets all excited. That's about as far as my plan goes... then what. Put her in it and hope for the best? I've heard of people just going in and putting the kid back in the bed every two minutes for hours/days on end. Or putting a child lock on the INSIDE of the door. The thought of sweet baby Izzie sobbing and hanging on a locked door knob makes me want to throw up. Should I just not worry about it yet? I'm mean, she has to switch eventually- we need the crib for the ninja plus she won't fit in it that much longer anyway. She seems ready but also like I can't believe I am discussing this topic already. I'm thinking it might be harder to have her transition once the new baby comes, one more big change for her to deal with. Plus I'm not sure if I can handle new baby feedings and Isabelle running wild at all hours of the night, you know?

but for reals guys, how can this baby possibly need a bigger bed??

Isabelle, 13 days old.

28 Weeks

2011-10-18T14:48:00.000-07:00

Me: "Sometimes it is easier for me to get dressed when I'm pregnant."

Jazz: "Why, because basically everyday you throw on a belt and call it good?"

Me: "Yeah, pretty much."

Whats up, 28 weeks! Can I get a what WHAT for the third trimester! Holllllaaa! It's really unclear to me when the actual third trimester starts, depending on what book/internet site/doctor you have but by week 28 it seems to be a general consensus that yes, it is the third trimester. I feel like I look the same-ish minus a need for a bang trim ON THE FLY. Why do they grow so fast, it's obnoxious.

Isabelle is napping. the house is mostly clean, the dishwasher unloaded. The laundry is mostly done, even the dryer is free. I sometimesalways leave the last load (whites) in there for days. I have free time. I could be ironing or sewing baby things or cleaning more thoroughly or whatever but its my time of day that is peace and quiet and today I am using it to blog. I really like my life. I like our mostly predictable schedule, me and Isabelle together. I love our daily routine- it is comfortable now and I am so used to it the way it is. It makes me nervous for the time when this delicious phase is over. Is that so selfish? In 12 weeks, I know I will look back at these hours of free time and wish I had saved them in a jar for later use.

When Isabelle was born, and we brought her home, and commenced the nursing/burping/napping/poohing stage of our lives, I literally thought that I would never go anywhere again. I could not comprehend my life changing enough to allow me to shower and put on makeup every single day. Or go to Costco by myself. Or cook dinner that didn't originate from a frozen bag.

But soon Isabelle started sleeping longer than 2 hour stretches. And sitting up by herself. And then she could scoot. Feed herself. Ask for things. Walk around the house. Run away from me. Just like that, she is more independent and I'm not afraid to run errands or get groceries or have play dates. Actually I can't think of anywhere I wouldn't take Isabelle with me. She does great at stores, at doctor appointments. Oh, I definitely wouldn't take her when I get a treat pedicure = wouldn't work. But mostly, we are free birds.

And today I'm sitting on my couch thinking about this ninja baby coming into our family and how it will change again. We will return again to the nursing/burping/napping/poohing stage of our lives, except this time we will do it while juggling our toddler. I know there will probably be days when I will whine and cry and not shower. We likely won't get an A+ in church attendance for awhile (or ever.) My mind kind of explodes when I consider getting groceries with an infant in a carrier plus Isabelle in the cart.

But I'm betting that eventually the ninja baby will sleep longer than two hours. And he will learn to roll and sit up and do all the things that babies do. And pretty soon I'll be sitting on my couch again with some free time wondering how I ever functioned without my two babies. And that sounds good to me.

...just because she's cute, here is how Isabelle fell asleep today:

Yeahhhh it's about time for a big girl bed.

14 weeks with the Ninja

19 weeks with the Ninja

23 weeks with the Ninja

26 weeks with the Ninja

29 weeks with baby Isabelle

couple things, yo.

2011-10-16T21:27:00.000-07:00

The Good

1. Halloween is up, officially.. the orange glow from the living room makes me happy when I return from my unpteenth night time bathroom trip.

2. We are going to Disneyland soon. I know, it's ridiculous, we just went, but it's our place. It's our summer beach house and our winter ski resort and our weekend in the hamptons. Except it's more of a hampton inn.

3. I took a nice long medium temperatured bath yesterday and read a magazine, cover to cover, and it inspired me for the holidays. The holiday season makes me so happy. Isn't there a disorder for those who have a hard time tolerating winter? Is there an opposite one for those of us who hate summer? Because I think I have it. Cloudy skies and cold toes and soups and sparkly red things...thats where it's at.

4. After tomorrow, the highest forecasted weather temp is a lovely 83 degrees. I can handle 83 degrees.

5. Hell is frozen, pigs are flying, Morgan started a blog. Follow her, because shes funny and also she works at this adorable bakery and sometimes we finish each other's sentences. http://www.jrandmorgan.blogspot.com/ .

6. Isabelle is sleeping through the night again. Sort of.

The Bad

1. I am hungry all the time. All. the. time.

2. I want/need a pair of tall brown leather riding boots. But I have sizable calves to begin with, and I'm afraid towards the endish of this pregnancy they will grow to outlandish proportions and they won't fit, so should I not buy them? 1st world problems.

3. We have made no progress on choosing a perfect baby boy name. Zilch.

4. My laptop has a very disgusting horrible persistent virus which my personal on call IT man has been working on for three days. Which means, an awesome phone picture for you.

The Ugly

Look what I can do. Kettlecorn shelf.

Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-13T15:44:00.000-07:00

Tuesday we were lucky enough to tag along with Madilyn's preschool and go to Hawe's farm for a morning at the pumpkin patch. Regularly $12.50 per person, we got in for just $5 which included a medium sized pumpkin. SCORE. It was gorgeous weather (a tad muddy) and we all had a great time.

What is cuter than these three little girls holding hands. Isabelle doesn't even want to hold my hand crossing the street but ANYTHING Madilyn does, she wants to do.

This one makes me die a little. Isabelle was just so thrilled to be there with all the other kids.

They had all of these activities set up for us to do- including feeding goats. I thought Isabelle would be like "no thanks" but once she saw what was happening she wanted IN on the action.

We took a wagon ride over to the pumpkin patch area to pick our medium sized pumpkins.

She found a couple she liked...

And then yelled, "MAMA. HELLLLP!" when she wanted me to pick them for her.

I love Madilyn in this picture. She was less than pleased to have Kira on her lap.

Wagon ride, post pumpkin picking. Isabelle: not to certain about it.

Isabelle, show me your teeth!

We also watched some pigs race, played on a big playground, and jumped in this giant corn pit.

Look Mom.

It's corn!

After a couple of hours, it was time for lunch and a nap (for both of us.)

I can't imagine Isabelle being old enough for preschool but before I know it, the time will be here. Today I took her to her 2 year well check where she weighed in at 29 1/2 pounds and measured 35 inches tall- 80% for her weight and 90-95% for her height. She's big! Like big enough for my doctor to be all like "we can probably cool it on the whole milk now." In four months, she grew 1 1/2 inches and put on almost 5 pounds. See Jazz, I told you she needed new clothes.

A Teeny Tiny Two Party

2011-10-11T15:43:00.000-07:00

Isn't it fun to have something to look forward to? I've been thinking about Isabelle's birthday for a few months and it was so fun to do some projects and plan a party for her. I do love me a good party. I got the idea for the Tiny Two theme from the internet/blogs/pinterest and thought it would be perfect for Isabelle.

These were the tiny invitations to the party- they measured about three inches tall! I had them created on etsy and then printed them here to save some money.

Of course, I had to do something for the front door so I made a tiny yarn wreath with purple flowers. I also made about a bazillion buntings from scrapbook paper or felt glued to ribbon.

This was the table o' food, which we set up the same as last year. I was in such a hurry to take pictures as the party started some of the food is missing from the table, but you get the idea.

More small pennant banners and a GIANT picture of Isabelle mounted on foam core from the dollar store. It just worked out that we had a picture of Isabelle from Disneyland with that aqua door in the background. Perfect!

And here is the birthday girl with her best friend ever.

One of my favorite parts of the party were all the little balloon bouquets. We bought 5 inch balloons and ordered a small helium tank to fill them- I had a hard time finding anywhere that would blow up small balloons for us so we just did it ourselves. All the little blue vases are from the salvation army, spray painted. We also had tiny sodas and little juice boxes for the little ones.

Mini dip! Baby carrots and mini english cucumbers with popable cherry tomatoes.

For dessert we had mini cupcakes and mini caramel apples. The caramel apples were maybe my favorite part, they turned out so cute. We made homemade caramel and then used a melon baller to scoop little apple-like pieces from regular sized granny smiths.

I made a matching tiny bunting for her personal sized cake and frosted everything with Mo's frosting recipe. It is the most amazing addictive frosting in the whole world.

We also had hot artichoke dip and little slider hamburgers that Jazz cooked out on the grill, mini sausages in the crock pot and some various chips/fishes. The sliders were so cute on their teeny buns!

For favors, we had little sacks for the kids/babies filled with small things: mini m & ms, a bouncey ball, little stickers, a yoyo, a tiny set of colored pencils, and a dumdum. For the families I baked little loaves of banana bread to take home for later. The labels say "good things come in small packages." Like Isabelle!

More balloons and buntings.

Isabelle was SO cute and SO excited for her party, every time she saw something party related she would say "potty! potty!" (She hasn't quite figured out her 'r' sound.)

Some of my good friends came from near and far to celebrate with us. I wish I had more pictures of everyone but the time went by so quickly.

Granted, Isabelle mostly just wanted to play with Madilyn. It was a beautiful day so we just opened the door and let the kids run in and out and play wherever they wanted to while the adults ate and chatted.

Then we did cake! I felt kind of emotional singing to her and hearing like 25 voices in the background celebrating my little baby with me. I'm emotional anyway, but still...it was wonderful to have friends and family there.

I thought she might just dig in, but she immediately asked for a fork.

Then she shared!

We opened presents while everyone ate cake and ice cream and if I didn't know any better I'd think Izzie is spoiled rotten. She received so many thoughtful and personal gifts, we are pretty much set for the next two years I think. Madilyn was nice enough to help us out keep the present opening-flow going since Isabelle was so distracted by new toys. "Squirrel!"

The party started to wind down and pretty soon we said g'bye and a huge thank you to everyone. Eventually she just sat on the floor to play with all of her new things. Btw what is it about Grandmas that they know exactly what to get?

The aftermath: Isabelle was exhausted... we looked over and she was laying on the floor, totally SMILING. Project 2nd birthday party---mission, accomplished.

Isabelle's Birthday

2011-10-09T17:20:00.000-07:00

We all know Isabelle turned TWO on Tuesday and though her big party was yesterday, we still spent her actually birthday celebrating and doing fun things. We had pancakes for breakfast, which are Isabelle's favorite. Mostly because she gets to "dip" in syrup. And syrup for breakfast means bath time by brunch. Isabelle has always loved being in the bathtub. She especially likes our big tub because she can stand up and splash and swim around without making a huge mess. She hates having her hair washed though. Birthday Bath:

After her bath and blowdry, we went for a walk. It was a perfectly coldish day- she even wore a sweater. We collected leaves and rocks in her basket and made our way around the neighborhood. I know I've already said this but Isabelle loves loves loves being outside. As soon as we came in, it started POURING rain and really didn't let up for the rest of the day, so I'm glad we got out while we could. We stopped in and said hello to my dad at work, where he got maybe the most lovey long hug I have ever seen Isabelle give out. Jealous!

At noon, we took a picnic to the movie theater. Jazz took a half day so we could take Isabelle to see Cars 2 for her birthday. (What is that, the cutest gesture ever.) Isabelle has only been to one movie before and she didn't really get what was happening so this was her first REAL one that she was excited about. Of course she was so short that she had to sit on two booster seats stacked on top of each other. She had her lunch in a snapware and then we gave her movie popcorn in a tiny bowl and I almost died because it was so dang adorable. She really loved the toy story short before the film started, and she kept saying "MATER!" when he would come on screen. We took pictures with my phone because we are dorks and there was really no one else in the theater.

About an hour into the movie, Isabelle's eyelids got super heavy and she was fighting to stay awake. I asked her if she wanted to go home and get in her bed with Olivia and she said, "Yeahhhhh." So home we went. Three dollars very well spent.

She fell asleep in the car and I forced Jazz to take a picture of our TWO YEAR OLD during the transfer to bed because she is soft and perfect.

During her nap, Jazz and I watched a movie and had marshmallow hot chocolate while it rained. I mean, perfect day right?

NOT FINISHED YET!

Gmorning baby!

We took her to the Sweet Spot to get her a free mini cupcake for her birthday.

She mostly licked the frosting and was done. Typical Isabelle. I'm learning she doesn't like cake very much.

Then we met the crew at Burrito Bandito, where Isabelle had a feast of rice and beans and chucked pennies at the koi fish. Madilyn picked out these fancy balloons herself.

Isabelle carried around that one yellow balloon for three days straight, I'm not kidding. All in all it was a fantastic day and it still feels weird that Isabelle is TWO. TWO TWO TWO. More to come with a giant recap of her party...

26 Weeks

2011-10-06T21:16:00.000-07:00

26 Weeks + sneak peak of party decor

I don't think too much has changed over the past three weeks since I last updated about the pregnancy. The ninja continues to move a lot, though I can't remember if it is more or less than with Isabelle. Honestly, why didn't I write more things down, I swear my memory is horrible. I want to say we are getting closer with names, but really what I mean is that I am getting closer. Jazz is stuck on one name that I absolutely can not get on board with so while he simmers on that, I'm moving forward. (Love you. and no, I still don't like that name.) I like to do the baby blessing test. Like, in my mind I say the potential name like how we would hear it in the baby blessing- first, middle, last....pause... and continue. Does it flow? Does it accidentally rhyme? Does it sound weird with any family member's names?

I'm feeling great. Actually, I slept so good last night that I woke up smiling. I still have intermittent bathroom breaks, but what pregnant women doesn't? I can tell I'm definitely bigger than three weeks ago- sometimes I put on clothes that I haven't worn for awhile and it's like whoa, that isn't gonna work, try again. Loving maternity pants- seriously I will be sad when it isn't acceptable for me to wear them anymore. Like sweatpants, but appropriate for public. I tend to carry my babies low, which is great for my ribs... but this baby is more torpedo-ish and less watermelon-ish. Does that even make sense? No swelling yet (last time I had horrible swelling in my feet by now) and my wedding rings still fit. Horray.

I have some projects going for the new nursery, but of course they are a few notches down the to do list since Isabelle's birthday has taken TOP PRIORITY. I can't talk about it because I will totally cry I can't believe she is already two- anyway- her party is Saturday and I have some things left to do for that. Not to mention, I'm bursting to put Halloween up, but need to wait 'til after the party. And then do my Christmas shopping. THEN tackle the nursery stuff. I actually hung all of the baby's clothes up in the closet and it made it much more real to me. You really do forget how small those newborn onesies are. And that there will actually be a human baby in them.

We had pumpkin pie last week for the first time this season. And when I say "we" I really mean "I bought a whole costco pie and pretended to share." And then GLORY OF GLORIES it rained and hailed. And I had hot chocolate with the fire on while Izzie napped. This is my favorite time of year- throw in my favorite time of pregnancy with all the fun things coming up and BAM. Perfect storm.

Sometimes by the end of the day though I feel more like this:

23 Weeks with the Ninja

19 Weeks with the Ninja

14 Weeks with the Ninja

26 Weeks with baby Isabelle

(really you aren't going to want to miss such a sweet picture of me with an awesome haircut)

Isabelle- 2 Years

2011-10-04T08:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Isabelle,

Today we celebrate 2 years since your birth. We celebrate your smiles and your laughter, we celebrate your happy body and fast little legs, we celebrate your sweet spirit and your unconditional love. We celebrate two of the best years of my life, now that you’re here, I can’t imagine it without you. When you first came to us, and you were laid in my arms, your tiny body wrapped like a burrito, I whispered over and over to you, “Isabelle, I’m your momma. I’m your momma.” You are my biggest calling, my greatest joy and there is nothing in the world I would trade for your time.

In two years you have learned to sit up, crawl, walk, skip, hop and run. You have grown 15 inches in height and put on about 23 pounds in weight! I swear we buy you more shoes than any other baby I know, you grow out of them so quickly. Your brain is so smart and quick, nothing gets past you and you notice the tiniest details. You are now learning to form words into sentences- everyday you say something new. “I choke” when you cough, or “where’d it go” when something is missing, or “MOM, MORE” when you need more. You love food but not more than you love a cold glass of milk, it is your favorite.

You are less of a baby and more of a real live person now- we go everywhere together and you are like my little sidekick. Wherever we are, people fawn over you and you usually get shy and retreat to the comfort of my legs. Secretly I love that I’m your home base, I hope I will always, always be home for you. You listen well and can follow instructions, love to do puzzles or play pretend in your kitchen with your babies. Really though, if you had your way you would spend your entire life outside. Doesn’t matter if it’s hot or cold, rain or shine, you want to be out there. You come to me with your shoes and say “Owside,” like it’s more of an order and less of a request. You love to play with your dad- sometimes he is so silly and it makes you ROAR with laughter until you can't breathe and then you have to lay on the ground to recover. Over and over again you run as he chases you around the house while you find a place to "hide." Some of the best parts of my day are watching the two of you interact.

I wish I had a picture of every expression of your little fair face. Each one is so precious and perfect, you have learned to pout and cheer and to fake being sad. Your face lights up when you see Madilyn, you get so excited you can hardly run fast enough to her. Your face has changed shape, your baby fat is disappearing as your lines become more slender. You are growing up.

When you were new, I told my mother how in love with you I was and how much I loved you. I remember she told me that in two years I would love you even more than I did then. I thought there was no way I could love you any more than I did when you were born, but mom was right. I wish I could go back two years and tell myself, just wait, it gets even better than you think is possible. I wonder how I will feel in five years, or twenty, and it makes me so happy to know that we have eternity to spend together.

I need a word
A brand new word
Nobody ever heard
I need a word
That can express
You are the dearest
On the earth

-by Monique and Hans Hagen

Isabelle..you are the dearest of my earth, sweet baby. Happy Birthday to you.

xoxox

Momma

a space for baby boy

2011-09-30T15:07:00.000-07:00

Two years ago today was my due date for our first baby. A baby who came on her own time, a baby we named Isabelle. I won't talk about her birthday yet because that's for next week but today will always have a special place in my heart.

Now we have a new date to look forward to- for a new baby, a baby we haven't named yet. January 9th. Another special day.

Since the seasons are changing and Isabelle is growing at lightning speed, I've been packing away her old clothes and buying the next size up for her winter wardrobe. Usually I just buy girl things but I can't help sneak some boy things in there for the ninja. Shopping is really different for a boy than a girl- there just aren't as many options, and there are so many awfully cheesy items. I'm just not a cheese kind of person. My hair dresser asked me what the theme for the new nursery was and I said, "uh, blue and grey and yellow." She asked me if it was like trucks or sports or animals- of course nurseries have themes!

Mine don't. Sorry? Like it's just not my style and I'm sure there are some ADORABLE elephant themed rooms but we have chosen to do more simple things for our babes bedrooms, and also for their clothes. Girls have ruffles and buttons and all kinds of cute options for clothing, but boys really don't. BFFLeigh keeps sending me pictures of newborn outfits she finds saying, "Is this your style? Is this?"

I gravitate towards stripes. Navy blue, grey, white, certain greens. Nothing that has words on it. Few animals. Absolutely no sports-themed outfits or Disney icons. Prints are okay if they are subtle and calm. Again, I'm sure your kid looks great in them, it just isn't my thing. I know I can't control this forever, in fact, Isabelle often wants to wear her nikes with a dress or skirt... but for awhile, I'm in charge and I get to pick the clothes. And the room decor.

That's not to say Isabelle's room is boring, I think it's far from it- I love the white mixed with the colors, she loves her hanging mobile and she really does love to sleep in there. Mission accomplished. (See Isabelle's Nursery here.)

Here's what I'm thinking.

We purchased crib bedding from a local baby store a few weeks ago because 1) I loved it and 2) it was on sale. It's custom made (for a non-custom price!) and I didn't want anyone else to snatch it up. The fabric is grey and blue chevron sort of like this, but grey AND blue? I couldn't find a picture online so this is the closest.

I saw this dresser/changing table on etsy and about threw up. I love it. I'm thinking it will be nearly impossible to find in Redding, so we'll have to paint an existing piece. One option is to get a bigger dresser for Isabelle and paint the one we already have. Totally do able, right?

Rug. Nurseries need a rug in front of the crib. This one is actually affordable- from urban outfitters.

Wall art!

I love this mobile- made from paint sample thingys from Lowe's. I will change the colors a bit, but this is a must for above the crib.

And this is Olivia's male cousin Watson. Ohhhh I love it so much.

And I'm in the market for a new diaper bag. I've loved my petunia picklebottom- LOVED it. Can not recommend it more- I have literally worn holes in it. They've come out with a new line that is made with a more durable, waterproof material and I think I'm totally sold. Merry Christmas to me?

There is a big pile of baby boy things growing in our spare bedroom and I'm really feeling the need to get going on the nursery so I can feel organized. 14 weeks is going to go so quickly with our fun plans and the holidays coming up! (omg14weeks.)

I just re-read this post and I sound like such a snob. good job, micci, good job.

piggies.

2011-09-26T13:32:00.000-07:00

Since she has THIS much hair now:

we can do THIS:

PIGTAILS! yeah buddy!

I really wanted to get a picture of her in her church outfit because OMG denim dress + pigtails = amazing. But, by the time we got home from church (4:15) she was barely coherent. We literally had to stand her up on the bed while we changed her clothes into her softies so she wouldn't fall asleep before we got to my parents' for dinner. We made it to the driveway....success. Also, check out those cheeks. Wanna brush 'em with butter and bake 'em in the oven.

And after nap and dinner, what is better than a t-shirt-diapered-pigtailed baby.

"Maam, look at this giant stick that Grandpa gave me!"

In conclusion: pigtails are awesome. I love having a girl. Amen.

izzies favorites.

2011-09-23T16:28:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you're aware of all the zillion fall shows back on tv this week. Our tivo is on EXPLOSION mode as it tries to keep up with our requests.. anyway, last night was the premier of grey's anatomy. (If you haven't seen it yet, this might be a slight spoiler alert, so beware.) Most of you probably don't care about the show so I won't go into detail BUT the end involved having to give their almost-adopted baby back to foster care while they worked out some problems.

Scene on tv: Mother of baby, holding baby, baby crying, baby being handed to case worker, mom trying not to freak out while calmly telling case worker a few of the baby's needs and favorites before she goes.

Scene at my house: TEARS. Lots and lots of TEARS.

There are so many quirks about Isabelle that really only a few key family members know about- it's probably one of the reasons why we have yet to hire a real babysitter... the list of instructions I would have to leave would be four hundred pages long. Typed.

Isabelle can not live without Olivia. It is imperative Olivia goes everywhere and does not get lost. Ever.
She takes milk before her nap and before bed time, in the red or blue sippy. ONLY those two.
She likes to wear her Nike's with her pajamas in the morning.
Don't let her see any snacks or drinks in the diaper bag or she will insist upon having them.
If she won't sleep, she wants back scratchies or to rockabye.
She won't nap until you have said an afternoon prayer on your knees next to the crib.
Also, she wants you to set the hanging lanterns swinging before you leave the room.
Do not pick her up right after she wakes up. She needs some acclimating time. This will make her grumpy indefinitely.
She does not take a paci.
If you lean in and say be soft, she will give you a "tiss" right on your mouth.
If she spits something out, she is done eating that particular food but not necessarily done with the meal.
Right before bath, she will use the restroom on the potty if encouraged. Otherwise, expect it in the tub.
She hates having her teeth brushed. Hates.
Oh, she won't nap with a ponytail in. She needs it out. And she needs comfy pants on. No shorts. No denim.
She won't wear bows. Don't try.
Also, she has four rotating blankies, any of them will work but she needs at least one to sleep.
Don't ever let her see you put Olivia in the washing machine.
She prefers the high chair tray on the second notch in, otherwise she will let you know it is too tight.
If she says "show" and "too," she wants to watch how to train a dragon with toothless, the dragon.
When she is really, really tired she is extremely giggly and ticklish right under her chin.
She hates motorized toys.
She also hates most dogs. Oh, and the garbage truck. And the disposal.

It's not like she's a diva, I think most of these are perfectly ordinary requests.. it's just we have taken two years to get to learn her preferences and maybe someday when she is 15 and hates me because I wont let her go to senior prom with an older boy I will remind her that her favorite thing used to be fiddling with the hair on her stuffed sailor doll.

typical pre-bed look:

Despite the appearance of sudden buck teeth, it's really just milk.

looking forward

2011-09-21T09:48:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of women have c-sections, and it is a wonderful technological advance, many women would die without it. If I lived in the pioneer days, I might have died. My baby might have died.

The first month of Isabelle’s life I spent recovering. I needed help lifting things, getting in and out of bed, holding the car seat, walking long distances. As far as recoveries go- I think mine was about as standard as they get- as good as I could hope for considering the giant incision and trauma my body had been through. I enjoyed my newborn every bit as I could, she was so little and healthy and perfect.

But it hurt. I don’t think anyone will tell you that major abdominal surgery is a breeze. For a short time, Jazz would have to come around to my side of the bed and physical lift me up while I cried because using certain muscles was so painful. There were times when the thought of walking to the bathroom was so daunting, I didn’t want to go. There were things that I missed because I was immobile or on drugs or just not able to participate in. I missed her first bath. I missed changing her diaper the first day or so. I missed being able to pick her up in the night when she cried- I had to have someone there to hand her to me. These things may seem trivial to some, but to me I felt less than equal, and I hated that.

None of this tarnished the bonding or the instant love I had for Isabelle. Every moment spent with her was perfection to me- she was so incredibly perfect. Waking in the night was a privilege and sometimes me and Jazz would look at each other and say “should we wake her up so we can play with her?” I loved bathing her in the sink (eventually) and putting her weak little arms into her onesie sleeves I had embellished for her. Her tiny meow cries were priceless, her every facial expression soaked up, every noise appreciated. I would have ten c-sections to have another baby, every bit of it was so, so, so worth it.

I didn’t tell people I had a c-section unless they asked. I didn’t want them to know that I had a giant FAILURE sign stamped right on my fore head. I know I didn’t fail- I KNOW THAT. But to me, that’s how it felt. Like I wanted into this great exclusive club and I was on the waiting list for 9 months and when I got to the top of the list, I was skipped over and sent home.

So I started reading. I started reading about rising c-sections and why they happen and how to avoid them. A checklist was given of what not to do if you want to have a regular birth. I hit every point, to me I had done everything “wrong.” I was induced. I had an epidural. I didn’t labor at home. I didn’t wait long enough. I waited too long. My doctor feared a large baby- when Isabelle was a petite 7 pounds 4 ounces. We did learn that her body was twisted and she was posterior, meaning she was facing the wrong way, her head was tilted and wasn’t causing me to dilate.

Was that because I was induced? Because of the epidural? Maybe Isabelle never would have turned the correct way? I don’t know. I can speculate and ask ‘what if’ all day long, but it can’t be changed and I’ve accepted the way everything happened. I don’t know why it happened, but I know it was for a reason.

I assumed I could try for a different birth experience the next time around. When I had healed, when we were ready, we would have another baby and everything would be different.

Then, unexpectedly- we moved to Redding, where we currently live. I searched for an OB who would do a VBAC with me (vaginal birth after cesarean). I found none. I learned that because of hospital regulations in this area, there are zero VBACs allowed. NONE. There are a bunch of reasons why, and I won’t go into them now, some are political and some are because of money and insurance, but it doesn’t matter. Bottom line, I can’t have a VBAC in Redding. (Unless I choose to have a home birth, which is not something I personally feel comfortable with.)

The closest hospital that will take me as a VBAC patient is in Davis, which is a three hour drive from my house. Three hours! It may seem far- and it is far, especially with the labor game when we don’t know where or when or how things will happen. This is what I know so far.

I have an OB here in Redding who is willing to work with me until my 8th month of pregnancy. He does not see any reason why I wouldn’t be able to have a trial of labor in a different hospital. I have been referred to UC Davis Women’s Center for Health, where their hospital allows and encourages VBACs. I have an appointment in November, a VBAC consultation, to set up our schedule of weekly visits towards that last month of pregnancy and discuss how this will work with me living 3 hours away. I’ve been told that at some point, I’ll have to stay in the area for the remainder of my pregnancy, I’m not sure how that will go or when that will be.

Let me just clarify. This is no guarantee that I will not have a c-section, and I know that. I may labor and labor and have the same problem with this baby and will eventually have to have a c-section. I feel like I have to do everything in my power, everything that my body can do to have a regular birth, and if that doesn’t work out, it will not be because I didn’t try. I feel like if I don’t try now, with this baby, I may never get the chance.

I do know that every birth is different. Every mother has different expectations and ideas. I know many women who have been perfectly happy with their cesarean births and wouldn’t have it any other way. I also know women who have had horrific and very scary vaginal births as well. There are definite risks either way I go at this point- and things we are discussing and praying about as a family. This is not a decision to be made lightly, and I understand that.

That being said, we are moving forward with hopeful hearts and daily prayers that I will have a different experience the second time around. I’m feeling very optimistic about it right now- and really excited for what lies ahead. Regardless of the method of delivery, we are all overjoyed with bringing a new spirit into our home and into our family and can’t wait to meet baby boy.

looking back.

2011-09-18T21:54:00.000-07:00

This is one of those posts that has been writing itself in my brain for about two years. This will not be a short post. Probably no pictures. Just so you’re warned. Also there will be references to lady parts and centimeters and labor so if this is not your thing, do not proceed.

I've been thinking a lot about this boy baby flipping around in my stomach, and eventually he has to come out. It's a little early to be thinking about that, but for me it is taking a lot of research and planning and eventually lots of time spent driving. Here's why.

As you may remember, my labor with Isabelle was less than ideal. Well, it was less than MY ideal labor and delivery- the bottom line is she was born healthy and safe and because of that I am very grateful. I was overdue, miserable, uncomfortable, and disappointed I had seen nary a sign of imminent labor. At my last appointment, my doctor was sympathetic to my pleading and since I was measuring bigger than I should have, set up an induction for the following Sunday. I was thrilled that at last there was some plan in place naming the date and time we would get the show on the road.

I was 40 weeks 5 days when I arrived at the hospital, bags packed and full of excitement for what was to come. I was dilated to two centimeters, so we skipped cervadil in favor of good ol’ pitocin- the hard stuff. I spent the morning laboring, watched general conference, and anxiously discussed things with Jazz. He held my hand and talked to me and when he went to lunch, rushed back to be with me for my epidural. Pitocin has a nasty habit of making contractions stronger and faster than your body naturally does, so things got intense faster than I anticipated. Secretly I was happy I was in pain because it meant things were happening and I was progressing. Epidural placed, water broken, and then we waited.

Every 30 minutes or so, my nurse would come in and up my dosage of pitocin. Max pitocin at my hospital was about 35 mu/minute, and I remember looking at the monitor and realizing I was maxing out quickly.

2 pm. I was checked. I was 4 cm dilated.

4 pm. I was checked again. I was still 4 cm dilated. I cried.

6 pm. I was checked. I was still 4 cm dilated. My doctor came in and started dropping the ‘c-section’ bomb. We agreed to give my body more time. So I shifted positions frequently... My epidural was extremely heavy, I could not feel my legs or move around at all.

8 pm. I was checked again. I know my nurse wanted to desperately tell me that I had progressed, that I was further, and that I was off the c-section hook… but again, I was 4 cm dilated. My doctor came in again and we talked options. Because I had been at 4 cms for 8 hours, he explained that something was prohibiting my body from progressing further. He thought Isabelle was going to be a very large baby, and maybe my body couldn’t handle her. I begged for a few more hours to progress on my own before the final call was made, and he consented. I texted my family and asked them to pray that I would dilate. I cried. Jazz held my hand and wiped my tears and told me that I was doing a good job even though I felt like I was seriously failing at the most important job I had been given.

At 11, my doctor came in to check me. I knew I hadn’t progressed, but he checked me anyway and I was still at 4 cms. Not even 4+. Still a solid 4 cms. The facts were that I had been laboring for 16 hours with minimal progress on maximum pitocin, Isabelle was starting to show stress due to the large contractions being thrown her way every minute or so, and my body was beginning to swell in places that should not have been swelling. I consented to the c-section. I sobbed when they brought the papers in for me to sign. I sobbed when I squiggled some sort of illegible signature allowing them to cut open my abdomen and pull out my baby for me.

I cried when they prepped me. I cried when Jazz put on his blue suit. I felt so out of control of my own body, so frustrated that I couldn’t fix my own problem. I did have some sense to powder my nose before going to the operating room, I remember thinking how stupid I looked with my compact out dusting makeup on my horribly swollen and red face.

I was wheeled into the OR, given a huge dose of anesthesia in my epidural, and before I knew it, Isabelle was lifted over the blue curtain, purple and wiggly and perfect. They took her to the warmer and I heard her cry for the first time. I had heard lots of babies cry before- little ones and big ones but as soon as I heard her voice I knew she was mine, like she was always mine. She was wrapped up and brought to Jazz and he held her by my face so I could kiss her. Pictures were taken. I was sewn up. I was shakey, but not sick. I was happy she was here and it was over and she was healthy.

I was wheeled back to my labor room and it was weird to me that just an hour previous, I was sitting in the same room with a baby in my tummy, and now she was sitting next to me. Just like that. I called my family. And my best friend. Actually, Jazz called my family for me because I felt so defeated that I had a c-section, I felt ashamed that I failed and I didn’t want my mother to hear that in my voice.

Jazz took her for her first bath and got her cleaned up and she came back with a purple bow on her fuzzy head. Jazz told me he got to pick it out and he thought that purple would be my first color choice. He was right. He is so thoughtful. He showed me pictures of her crying under the water facet while they scrubbed her little body.

Just typing this makes me so weepy, those first moments when you bring a baby into your family are so sacred and so special, it’s been two years but I remember how her wrinkled feet felt and the way her lips didn’t quite close when she slept.

The rest of my hospital stay was wonderful. My mom came. She held me and I cried. She told me what I good job I did and that Isabelle was perfect and healthy and she was proud of me. It was just what I needed to hear. It took a team to get Isabelle nursing, and we worked on that. We slept. We watched pride and prejudice. One of us blacked out in the shower, no names. We were released, and then we were home.

I sat in the back seat next to Isabelle while Jazz drove 15 mph the whole way home. My mind was blown that suddenly there was a human being that needed me. I was no longer pregnant. But also, I really didn’t feel like I delivered my own baby.

To be continued.

23 Weeks

2011-09-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

It feels nice to be 23 weeks. Charging through the second trimester. Technically, I will be six months pregnant on Monday. I don’t feel six months pregnant. But I certainly feel chunky. Pregnant face is starting to rear its ugly head and I have noticed my cheeks turn into jowls and my chin multiply to plural.

Lots to report. The Ninja has been moving a lot, though I haven’t pinned down “active times” and “sleepy times” probably because I’m not paying great attention as I chase my current child through the aisles of target. That baby can RUN. My aversion to sweets is mostly gone, in fact Jazz can testify that I ate my way through a small batch of caramel popcorn last night. Salty + sweet = perfect combination right now. Cake still does not interest me in the slightest. I’m hungry all the time, but I have really tried not to stuff my face around the clock. We all know where that got me the last time…GINORMICA. It was about this time last pregnancy that I had the notorious Nine Pound Month Checkup with my OB, but I’m happy to report that I have gained less than nine pounds total this pregnancy. (I’m at seven? I think?)

No swelling, no reflux, but some achy bones, as my pelvis unhooks itself again. But I am sleeping great at night, I have this awesome rotation from side to side that is actually really comfortable at this point. I love to sleep. Bless Jazz for “liking” sleeping on a slivery edge of our king size bed.

We have also brought up the name discussion- and can I say that naming a child is just hard. The names we had before suddenly don’t fit very well and we can’t agree on anything new. Nothing fits, and I don’t think anything will until the ninja is born but I’d like to be prepared with a few contenders. With Isabelle, we had two or three names that we liked and once we saw her we just felt she was an Isabelle. I’m hoping it goes the same way the second time around.

At least once a day I turn to Jazz and say, “I can’t believe we are having a boy.” Not in a bad way, we are both excited, just stunned. I don’t know boy things. I never had a younger brother, and I never had an older sister, so both of my kids will have different experiences than I did. Exciting. I bought crib bedding yesterday and as I set it in the spare room, it hit me that room was going to be a space for a boy. Blue and gray and yellow, for a boy!

Isabelle’s two-year molars are coming in and she hasn’t been very pleasant to be around. And by that I mean we had to flee Target like it was Egypt yesterday so I didn’t get any more judgmental eyeballing from strangers as my child screamed from the cart. Anyway, when we got home she asked me to rock her to sleep for her nap and so I did. I held her and held her, my 23-month old baby girl, not realizing I was also rocking my 23-week gestating baby boy. I felt so blessed and so special and so loved I almost exploded. I have a great life.

19 Weeks with The Ninja

14 Weeks with The Ninja

22 Weeks with Isabelle

pink garage vomit.

2011-09-11T22:07:00.000-07:00

Well isn't this just a bit ridiculous. The bins on the floor are all of Isabelle's outgrown clothes/shoes/hats etc. The clothes on the bed are for the new baby, some from Izzie's pile, some new from our trip last weekend. I finally went through all of her stuff and organized it into newborn/0-3 month/3-6 month etc piles. As I pulled out her tiny outfits I nearly cried my eyeballs out remembering what she wore her first few weeks and how she felt and how she smelled. Am I the only crazy bat that is so sentimental about these things? It's really bad. Pregnant hormones aren't helping.

Sometimes when I am feeling REALLY nostalgic I look through photos from her first year and she looks so different but also the exact same. Her face is changing and she is looking more like a little kid and less like a baby and it is KILLING me because I want to freeze time for just a little while or at least slow it down.

She is like my little buddy now, she listens and responds and says stuff back to me and sometimes when I look in my rear view mirror and see her in her car seat I still can't believe she is all mine. Like, she has been with me on this earth for almost two years and we have managed to feed her and bathe her and keep her entertained and so far she seems to be enjoying it. She seems so tall and so agile and so particular in her personality, it's hard to remember her as a sleepy newborn at all.

AGAIN, NEED TO FREEZE TIME.

I've mentioned before that her vocabulary is expanding exponentially, and everyday she says something new. Today it was the word "pooh." As in, pointed to her diaper and proclaimed her business. Her voice is so sweet it almost made me laugh to hear her say it. She also knows a lot of animal sounds and her favorite is BAAA for a sheep, which she often yells out loud for no particular reason. She skips and jumps and gets so excited to see her friends, like Griff and Charlotte and Madilyn. She calls Madilyn by her middle name, June, and I have no idea where she picked that up. She grabs the phone and says "June? June?" Like she wants me to call her and invite her over. She also knows Jazz is at "work" every day and when asked about Grandpa, she states he is on his "boat." Of course.

Our swimming days are coming to a close, the water is becoming colder and honestly I'm not sure how much longer my swim suit will fit me.

She did this all by herself, insists that I don't help her. She likes snacks on the lid sometimes.

And this is when she tried to sit in the doll stroller. In case you are wondering, it did not hold.

Isabelle in doll stroller, take one- February 2010, four months old

Did your heart just LEAP OUT OF YOUR CHEST like mine did? Name one thing cuter. I dare you.

One of her many glorious hand selected outfits. Nap hair, yoga pants, and our rain slicker. And Olivia, of course.

See the mirror on the floor? It used to hang above her changing table until she KICKED IT DOWN. Now it rests on the carpet, which honestly she prefers because she can parade around in front of it. Oh, how I love this child.

san francisco treat

2011-09-07T22:11:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago my friend Lanece texted me and was all "LET'S GO TO SAN FRANCISCO!" and I was all "YEAH THAT SOUNDS AWESOME!" So we did. We spent all Labor Day weekend exploring the city and eating as much food as we possible could. I have to say- this was our first non-family friend trip and we had a fantastic time.

We did some touristy things, like Lombard Street:

And stopped at Boudin's to eat on the Wharf. Btw, their crab mac and cheese is straight from heaven.

Isabelle being coy. The weather was glorious- 60 to 70 ish, chilly at night, so perfect.

Meet the McDonalds! They are so easy going, we had such a great time with them. Griffin is nearly three and Isabelle loves to play with him.

We shopped at the wharf and bough matchy owl hats for our babies, not that either of them wanted to wear them, but whatever.

On Sunday, we went to the Bay Area Discovery Museum on the other side of the Golden Gate. If you are down in that area and want something fun for your kids to do- go visit. We loved it- they had all these buildings set up with different activities for the kids to do. It is geared more towards the younger crowd so everything was Isabelle's height and learning level. One room was like a softie room, everything was padded so they could run around crazy. Despite her face, Iz loved it.

Crawling through a tunnel has never been so fun.

So proud of herself.

The best part was the view- it was amazing. This was literally taken in the parking lot of the museum, great location.

And of course, my SF bff Leigh came to play. Iz loves her auntie leigh.

We went back to the wharf to go to Ghirardelli and scored free parking so we stayed a bit. Lanece and I both got the Sea Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate and I'm not kidding when I say I would sell my soul for a vat of that stuff, it was so delicious. We also got ice cream because we needed it, of course.

And what's a trip to the city without stops at IKEA and Union Square? We loaded the car so tight, Jazz was stuffed in the back seat with all of our purchases.

Speaking of purchases, can I just say how WEIRD it is to be buying for a boy? I'm so used to pink and ruffles that I naturally gravitate to that side of the store. I had to mentally stop myself and switch sides so we could get some things for the new baby. I'm very picky about clothes, especially boys, I just can't do the themed outfits or the stuff that says "Daddy's Little Slugger." I'm sorry, it just isn't my thing. I know I can't control it forever, eventually he will want a shirt with a truck on it and I'll give in but FOR NOW we bought lots of soft onesies and sleepers. As I was taking the tags off, I just kept thinking, "I can't believe it's a boy, I can't believe it's a boy."

Did I tell you how we finally found out? After we had our initial ultrasound and we weren't able to find the gender, Jazz used his magic powers at work and got me an ultrasound a few days later. Which was also inconclusive. So we waited a week and tried again. ALSO INCONCLUSIVE. On our fourth try I was almost expecting to hear "welp, legs are crossed again!" but immediately within five seconds the tech had a very, very conclusive shot for us. It's a boy. We were both shocked. And elated.

ANYWAY, this post is about our trip to San Francisco and somehow got to ultrasounds. The weekend getaway was a perfect retreat- weather was sooo nice and our company couldn't have been better. Can't wait to do it again... maybe Portland?

Other highlights include:
          -Lanece slide-falling between the mattress and the wall
          -Mexican food in the basement of Union Square Macy's. (who knew!?)
          -Tyler introducing us to the most addictive Swedish candy in creation
          -Isabelle expanding her vocabulary by about five words
          -Waffles at our continental breakfast
          -Griffins random bloody nose
          -Scoring brand new black patent Dankos at the rack for 46 dollars
          -Reading The Help on the drive

Gender Update!

2011-09-05T20:59:00.000-07:00

After four ultrasounds and a little patience, we were able to finally find out that our second baby will be a BOY! Exclamation point!

2011-08-31T14:04:00.000-07:00

So me and Isabelle were at the grocery store today, buying melons and meat and whatever, and she was basically charming the pants off of everyone around like normal. I stopped in the freezer section to pick up a few marie calendars personal pot pies. I bought one sort of on accident like two weeks ago and was surprised how amazing it was. Buttery crust? Warm gooey center? Easy to cook? YES I AM IN. Anyway, I've had a few since then and I was out so I needed more. I noticed there were some smaller ones, like mini sized, and I checked the calories to see if I should buy those instead. When they were not significantly lower in calories then the normal sized ones I buy, I checked the normal sized ones to make sure I didn't read incorrectly. 520 calories, for one pie. Okay so I knowwww it isn't healthy but also for my whole lunch once in awhile it didn't seem like a bad deal.

UNTIL I READ THE SERVING SIZE.

Serves two.

Total calories of pot pie = 1040.

Total pies I purchased today = 0.

Felt like an idiot. Lately my brain has been just not quite functioning at max potential. Could be the heat. Could be the stubborn child in my womb. Could be that I am eating too many pot pies.

I'm just over 21 weeks now and this is the part I love- I'm feeling lots of movement at regular times in the day... morning and especially before bed.

In case you are wondering, we still don't know the gender.

We were talking before bed the other night and I turned to Jazz and genuinely asked him if secretly he thought Isabelle would always be our favorite. It is hard to imagine loving another baby as wholly and as completely as I love Isabelle. Everyone says that I will and it will be the same but really, what do they know.

I mean, look at this face.

Perfection.

I've started thinking about Isabelle's second birthday party and I feel like I was just gluing invitations for her first. And just right before that I was opening an invitation for a baby shower in her honor. Time is so fleeting, it makes me mad. She looks so different from her newborn pictures and yet shes like the exact same to me. Preparing for a new baby really makes me nostalgic for the one I already have.

Disneyland, parte seconda

2011-08-28T10:34:00.000-07:00

Just what you wanted, more pictures of Isabelle on our trip! One of her favorite parts was the 6 pm parade with all the princesses/dancers/costumes/lights. I didn't think she would care so much until she saw it and was all I LOVE THIS.

At first she was like eh, I'm not sure if I like it up here. Then she saw the parade and totally forgot she was on Grandpa's shoulders.

The infamous bubble gun. And the matching hair cut cousins.

And then came the Era of the Carousel. Over the course of two days, we rode it about twelve times. At least twelve times. She looks unimpressed here but she LOVED sitting on the horse and going up and down. She seriously cried big fat tears when we took her off so other kids could have a turn- she didn't understand why she couldn't ride it indefinitely.

JR taught her to use the extra leather strap to whip the horse and yell "YAH!" so Iz walked around whipping things the rest of the weekend. Thanks Jer.

Whipping in action. "Hiiiiii-YAH!"

During this trip I was partnerless for rides (not that I could ride any of them, due to the Stubborn Genderless Fetus), so JRd rode a lot of the kid rides with us. Didn't stop him from having a good time though.

SUCH an Isabelle face.

Okay enough of the carousel. Though I have at least 80 more pictures. This was on our last day- we took the monorail out of the park as we left, mostly because we had never done it before, and also because we needed some treats from Downtown Disney. Because we didn't have ENOUGH treats before then, obviously.

Oh wait, I forgot we rode Winnie the Pooh and she loved that too. Slow rides are totally her thing.

JR and Iz on the monorail.

Jazz read my first blog about Disneyland and noted that I failed to mentioned where he was for all of this. Since it was such a last minute trip, he wasn't able to get work off and therefore is not in any of the pictures. That's why we took a billion of them, so he could feel like he was there. Sunday when it was time to leave the park we were all a little sad- we spent 45 hours there in two full days and two half days, and still had lots of stuff to see and do. I guess that's why we go back! Anyone else going to be there for Halloween? It's a great time to go, everything is spooky themed and they have lots of fun things going on. I really do feel like it's our home away from home.

"To all that come to this happy place: welcome. Disneyland is your land."—Walt Disney

Disney trip- una parte

2011-08-25T15:15:00.000-07:00

We took four hundred pictures on this trip. I'm not sure what it is about a digital camera that makes me feel like I need to take ten pictures of one particular shot, but I do. This was Isabelle's first trip to Disneyland that she got excited about things- she recognized Buzz and Woody and some other characters and she loved seeing balloons/parades/ice cream/lights.

We flew out early Thursday morning and made it to the park by 11 AM, with 13 hours before closing time. Can I just say that Redding needs to get a bigger airport/more flights? Because driving 2 1/2 hours every time we need to fly somewhere is getting really, really old. Anyway. Here we are on the tram. A rare sighting of the Isabelle paci.

Isabelle did so awesome on this trip- she just ran and ran until she was too tired and then literally fell asleep wherever she could. Here she is on JR's shoulder juuuust about asleep after the pirates ride.

We took her on Buzz Lightyear- she was super excited to see a life size Buzz. You can really see the enthusiasm on her face. See Jake? He and Iz are about 5 months apart but right now they are the EXACT same size with the EXACT same haircut. I had a few people ask me if they were twins. Cousins! Also Mom and Morgan played this game where every time I tried to get a picture of me and Isabelle, one of them would hop in the picture. This is about five seconds before I got ANGRY FACE. I will not post it.

There is this giant ball over by space land or whatever its called. Future world? Sean is going to make so much fun of me. Anyway, this giant marble ball is suspended in water and the kids had a great time playing it in. It was about four and a half trillion degrees outside so Isabelle didn't mind getting a bit wet. And yes she wore her pretend pearls the entire day.

Then we put both of them in Isabelle's stroller. She was super excited to share. For about a minute.

Then she kept pointing to Jake and proclaiming "OUT! OUT!" while Jake relaxed like a pimp.

Day two. I learned my lesson on sweaty-hair-down day one and skipped right to hair up. Best decision of the day. There is something about the tram ride in that is so fun because you know where you are going and it smells like orange trees and its just a little bit windy and awesome. Of course, Olivia enjoyed it as well.

Wilderness Explorer area. I swear Isabelle would have stayed there all day long, she loved it. It also helped that Grandma showed up with a couple of bubble guns. INSTANT POPULARITY. Also Isabelle rocked her Nike Shox almost everyday, she loves loves those shoes. JR and Morgan gave those to her and she seriously tries to pair them with every outfit. Perfect for Disneyland- so comfortable.

We did the slide about twenty times in a row.

Ohhh I love this action shot. Feet running, mouth open, tummy hanging out like it's no big thang.

Photo op! Jake was a teensy bit anxious to get to the bottom.

Our one and only group shot! And yes I am wearing shorts and tennis shoes. Deal with it.

Okay maybe this is my favorite picture from the weekend. Morgan was chasing her and she was LOVING it. Morgan, please move in.

This is just SO Isabelle.

This was one of the rides Isabelle actually liked and wanted to do again- Small World. Slow moving boat, robotic people from around the world, ~~haunting~~ enchanting music.

Almost the whole group! Morgan almost lost her camera privileges here because she has a habit of taking ten random photos after the photo I have asked her to take. Do you have a family member that does that?

Okay I must stop for now. That is just a lot of pictures for one post and we know I have more.

The best part about being in Disneyland is not the rides or the food, although the food is a close second... it's always so much fun being with our family. I tried to explain to my friend how we could spend 45 hours in the park in two full days and two half days, but until you go you really don't know how great it is. Well, we think so anyway. Isabelle was so pleasant and happy- she has always loved to be on the go. She flew well, she did great in the car, she took naps in her stroller when she was tired, and stayed up as long as she could keep her eyes open. Disneyland was so much fun before any of us had kids and now it's like this whole new experience, waiting in line for the carousel, riding Winnie the Pooh, letting them burn off energy in a nice enclosed shady space. We didn't get there before ten on any single day, but we sure saw some late hours checking off our to do list.

It's a...

2011-08-23T21:03:00.000-07:00

baby!

Yesterday I was going to write picture vomit post about our DISNEYLAND trip from last weekend, but I thought no- I'll wait until we have the gender ultrasound so I can blog about the sex of our baby FIRST. Then I will approach disneyland. HA. HAHA.

I hardly slept last night, I tossed and turned I was so excited for my 9 AM appointment. I was ten minutes early because I am the greatest patient of all time.

Turns out the baby is camera shy because the entire time we had the ultrasound, she/he would not uncross legs or give us a peek of ANYTHING. My doctor was like "Welp, sorry about that but it happens!" And I said NO FIX IT I CAN NOT WAIT ANY LONGER.

But we must.

The great news is that the baby is measuring exactly on track- four chambers of the heart just working away, femurs are getting long and strong. Noggin is a good size, we saw ten tiny toes and a cute little hand. Baby is currently sitting transverse with its head to my left and its feet to my right. Estimated weight is 12 ounces....which is a can of soda.

I'm not sure what happens next- there is no medical need for another ultrasound for the rest of the pregnancy. Which is great because we are healthy and all is well! But also leaves us in the dark for what color bedding to buy, if you know what I'm sayin. I'm a fairly determined person so one way or another, we will find out the gender of this baby. He/she may be stubborn but I'm the INVENTOR of stubborn. Game on, baby!

one of the last baby milestones.

2011-08-17T21:51:00.000-07:00

This morning, we got Limited Edition pigtails, courtesy of her mullet.

I literally put a jellybean on the tv stand to bribe her to stand up and hold still so I could take her picture. Mother of the year.

A few hours later, some snips and cuts, no tears from baby or mother, Isabelle got a new do.

Party on the sides! And the back!

What is she THE CUTEST BABY EVER OF ALL TIME.

All done!

I will have to post more of this event, including the video we took because you will not believe how still she sat. She was so patient and so good and my heart exploded as little bits of baby fluff fell to the floor. I seriously wanted to save all of it. That's normal, right?

*special thanks to our good friend and traveling stylist Lanece for doing such a wonderful job!

19 Weeks

2011-08-14T19:48:00.000-07:00

I'm 19-ish weeks pregnant with McSorensen The Second and I'm alllllllmost half way now. This morning I was feeling unorganized and it was driving me nuts so I attacked my closet. I put away all the stuff that doesn't fit me/won't fit me for let's face it, atleast a year... and I got out all my maternity clothes from last time. I made some very nice progress organizing my closet into "what fits me now" and "what will fit me later" and it was fun to see some of the things I wore when I was pregnant with Isabelle. Like remember when I was so huge and it was so hot and all I could wear was this giant tent with arm holes? It's hard to remember what that feels like.

In one week we have our big anatomy scan. Which is secret code for GENDER SCAN. I am so excited, I can hardly wait... I'm tired of referring to the baby as "it" or "thing" or "fetus". I really don't know how some people wait until the baby is born to find out (you know who you are.) My ocd won't allow for such frivolity, I gotta get PLANNING. My brain is so excited to get out all of Isabelle's old things and sort them into sizes and colors and piles. If it's a boy, I'm sure I can find a few of Isabelle's things that are gender neutral. Well...who am I kidding, the girl wore a lot of frills and pink.

We are going to turn our spare bedroom into the nursery for the new baby regardless of the gender. Though I would love for Isabelle to share a room with a sister, I'm thinking it will work better a few years down the road and rather than right away. We all know Iz hasn't been a sleep champion and a noisy new baby would definitely not help her win any awards. However, I want to keep the spare bed set up and usable in that room for family and friends to use when they come visit, plus it can serve as an additional bed for me to zonk out in between feedings if needed. Also, it's a super comfortable bed and sometimes I nap in there anyway so I can't take it down. And where would Leigh sleep?

Some things that are on my mind: Will Isabelle be out of a crib by then? Hard to imagine her sleeping in a twin bed. Actually, that part is easy, the tricky part will be to get her to STAY in her twin bed. My dead dog understands the word "stay" better than Isabelle does. We have a wonderful moses basket that the new baby will likely sleep in for awhile, so that can buy us some more time. When did your kids graduate to a non-crib bed? And how did that whole thing go? And potty training is in my near future-- realllly?

I tried to take a picture of my baby bump fluff yesterday but it is really hard to do by myself. Jazz didn't get home until late so it didn't happen..and I refuse to use a mirror. I did find a picture of me at 18 weeks pregnant with Izzie and I'm definitely showing more this time.

Okay, here you go. Isabelle insisted on being in the picture because shes so cute and funny and oh I love her. Even though she is blurry.

This is a terrible, terrible cell phone picture but it's me 18 weeks with Isabelle April of 2009.

I've heard you show sooner/more the second time around but SHEESH can someone say FLUFFY. Some things I want to remember: I feel great! I go to bed really early. I still don't love sugary sweet things. Chocolate milk is delicious. I can eat a whole cantaloupe in one sitting. My rings still fit. Isabelle has no idea what's happening, I ask her if she is going to be a big sister and she says very emphatically NO. Madilyn thinks it's a girl-baby. Random lady at church today said it is DEFINITELY a boy. So...

Alright, what do you think- boy or girl? We will know the 23rd....and as soon as I know, you'll know.

how betty got her bangs back.

2011-08-10T16:07:00.000-07:00

oh trendy straight bangs, how I missed thee.

a bunch of media.

2011-08-07T21:27:00.000-07:00

I was going to write separate posts about these things but I got lazy and threw them all together.

First, shark week on the Discovery Channel concludes tonight. If you know me, you know that I love sharks and look forward to shark week every year. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a bit disappointed this year's shark week was...well, weak. I had high hopes with the promise that Andy Samberg would be the chief shark officer. I had visions of him doing shark digital shorts and making an idiot of himself for our sake. HOWEVER. He barely had any airtime throughout the week, I think there was one show that he was involved in? He did a 90 second promo before some prime time shows but it wasn't enough. The real problem was the material was just not as captivating as usual. Yes, they run shark shows usually all day and especially from 5-11pm. BUT I have seen ALL of them. ALL. The only new shows were at 9 pm, so after waiting a whole year I only had FOUR hours of new shark tv. Disappointing to say the least. Step up your game, Discovery channel.

Second. Did anyone else get into Pottermore? Or am I a huge dork and no one else has any idea what I am talking about? It's a new site published by J.K. Rowling and it is going to have tons of unseen material, back story, and special tidbits about Harry Potter. It goes live in October, but she hosted a special contest for the last seven days where you had a chance to find a clue, answer a question, and be granted early access. We didn't know when the clues would be given, so basically millions of people hovered around their computers for hours last week just waiting for a magical quill to appear. The clues were only up for about a half hour before the registration was full for the day. A half hour! Of course, many of the clues were published in London at normal day times, which meant ridic hours for the americans across the pond. I debated waiting up through the night because I'm an idiot and iluvhp but I just couldn't justify being too tired to take care of Isabelle the next day.

And then Morgan came riding in on her shiny unemployed horse and she said I'LL DO IT... FOR US. She stayed up all night on the third night, got the clue at about 4 AM and had us both signed up. The next morning I checked my email and saw a note from pottermore and I about choked on my orange juice, I was so excited. Now we just wait for a welcome email allowing us access to the site and we are IN. Also I should tell you, Morgan just got hired at a fabulous bakery in Phoenix so her unemployed horse has been euthanized. Did anyone else get in to pottermore? Or try to get in?

Next item. Amazon Mom. My friend Sarah got me going on this- she mentioned they order diapers through Amazon and it's tons cheaper and they get delivered right to her door. The best part of Amazon Mom is it is free and you also get to use amazon prime, which is free 2-day shipping on tons and tons of things. Turns out, we save a bundle on diapers (I'm a huge fan of pampers until about size 4, then huggies for the big guns. New baby will have pampers again.) It's even cheaper than Costco. The two-day shipping thing is blowing my mind. I ordered toys for Isabelle early one Wednesday and they came THE NEXT DAY. FOR FREE. And no tax. The catch is that you have to have diapers delivered regularly, which we do so it isn't a problem.

Fourthly. Is that word. Everyone probably already knows about Pinterest but I just had to proclaim my love from the top of my bloggy building because I love it. I've been on for awhile now but I've already found great recipes, tricks, styling ideas, clothes for Isabelle, and furniture I would shank a man for. It's inspiring and a nice quick mid-day pick me up since caffeine is off the menu as of late. I could write a whole post about pinterest...actually maybe I will.

Last. My droid is dying to the maximus. I've had this phone for almost two years, it's the one that got drowned in the preserve pond and got lost in Sacramento and yet it's still around. It barely holds a charge, randomly turns off, and is slowwwww as molasses. I'm due for an upgrade soon which is exciting but I'm torn- new droid? or new iphone? The only thing I don't love about the droid is that it is the worst at taking pictures, it is so slow and by the time the pic has been snapped, Isabelle is in the other room. I know the iphone has a great camera and is lightening fast at capturing the image, which is appealing. But, the driod has a full keyboard which I like. I need my phone for primarily texting, then making short phone calls, and also taking pictures. That's it. I don't play games or use fancy aps, though the pregnancy tracker is fun. I don't care if it has elaborate ring tones or if it glows in the dark or has voice recognition. Texting, calls, and photos people, that's all I need. What do you think? Do you love your iphone? Hate the touch keyboard? Swear by the driod?

upload from the memory card.

2011-08-03T13:43:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow Isabelle will be 22 months old. In two months, she we will celebrate her 2nd birthday. Which means a) holy crap I have two months to plan her party and b) holy crap my baby will be two years old holy crap. When people ask how old she is, I find myself saying "almost two" even though I want to say "1 1/2" or "22 months" or something less definite than TWO. I mean, kill me, really.

She is really starting to speak more. In the spring we had her evaluated to make sure she wasn't behind in her speech. I was mostly nervous that she wasn't talking as much as the books/people/strangers said she should be- turns out she was just on her own schedule. How very Isabelle of her. Anyway, all the sudden she just started spitting stuff out and I'm like "did you just say shoe? yeah! that is a shoe! SHOE! SHOOOEE!" And she rolls her eyes and walks away. One of the cutest things she says is "show" when she wants to watch a movie. It's the most adorable "s" sound you have ever heard. Actually now that I think about it a lot of her sounds are "s" sounds. If you ask her what a snake says, she does this hilarious "ssssssss" with her mouth, makes me laugh every time.

Last week Isabelle was getting especially bored with her toys, and I realized that her toys were getting old for her. Like, too young for her? She has a lot of puzzles that she likes to do- but the fisher price little people just aren't as much fun, and the wooden animals are so last year. She has started to show an interest in dolls (and by that I mean she stole one from Madilyn) so we went that direction- bought her a new doll. Immediately she LOVED having a mini baby to play with- she put it in her high chair and feeds it food and shares her milk with it. The big high chair is too tall for Iz to play with so we ordered a doll high chair and some play food. (thanks amazon prime.) The pretend food is a HUGE HUGE HIT. We had plastic food but it wasn't very impressive, and this wooden food has velcro so you can pretend to slice it up and put it back together again. There are separate crates for dairy, meat, grains, and fruit/veggies. She loves it- she fake bites and and then exclaims "MMMMM!" like it's delicious. Sometimes I think we have so many toys but I forget that Isabelle is getting smarter and needs different challenges, right?

Her hair is long enough for a pony tail but she only will let me do it occasionally, and if she goes down for a nap the pony tail MUST come out. I'm the same way though so I don't blame her. If she wants to go somewhere, she finds and brings me the same pair of sandals to put on like "cmon mom these are your go shoes. let's go." They don't always match but I can't tell her no, so I wear them. She is also trying to jump with two feet. It looks more like hopping, but it is getting there.

It has been so hot here lately that we don't venture out much unless it involves the pool. We turned a little sprinkler on for Isabelle and she wasn't really sure what to think. We let her run around nekkid for awhile which she loved- and made for some hilarious pictures but I am just not willing to post my kid's butt on the internet.

This is at my mom's new house, there is a side fountain that Isabelle is obsessed with. This pic is blurry but it's so cute I don't care.

Story time at Grandma's. I love that Isabelle gets along with Madilyn so well, they are so cute to watch together.

Watching a show with Sabrina.

This is Isabelle's cheese face again. See that extra seat? It's for me. She insists I sit there.

Sometimes Isabelle puts on outfits that make me laugh. Of course, my mom has all the good dress ups. Can you see her teeny Nikes? Courtesy of JR and Mo.

This was on Jazz's birthday- we were saying a prayer before dinner and Isabelle folded her arms so cute... I picked up my camera to take a couple sneaky pictures. (I know it's not reverent. I know.) As soon as she saw me she yelled "NO NO NO NO" and ran towards me like she knew I wasn't doing the right thing. Everyone busted up and we barely made it through the prayer.

Eating dinner in tutus, naturally.

Another one of her brilliant ensembles.

Everyday Isabelle climbs up on the piano bench, and asks me to sit by her. And we play together for awhile until she gets bored but it is SO CUTE and in 15 years when she is a concert pianist I'll show her these pictures.

Well, I think that's enough random Isabelle pictures for one post.

Jazzy's day.

2011-08-01T22:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Jazz's birthday... I know I'm a day late and a dollar short but he still loves me and I'm good with that. We had a busy weekend at the lake/seeing movies/eating food in his honor.

Saturday night Isabelle decided it would be hilarious to remind us of her younger days (and what we are in store for in about five months) by hosting a party in her room from 3-6 AM. No rhyme or reason, just a happy baby chatting and talking/whining and yelling MAMA. As a result, we were both zombies for the majority of the day. It was like hey happy birthday let's take a nap.

Jazz had his favorite breakfast cereal, opened some fabulous presents, got to watch Nascar, and had some ice cream cake. All in all it was a great day.

Ps dear baskin robbins cake decorator? I'm pretty sure Isabelle could do a better job.

Quick random facts about Jazz:

Jazz was born in the 70's!

He loves old 80's cartoons. He's made me watch He-man about twelvety times.

He scratches my back every single night before I fall asleep.

He has bluest blue eyes. (I hope one of our kids snags them)

He says he hates my girl tv shows but secretly he loves America's Next Top Model.

His hard wheezy laugh makes me giggle.

Man, does he love mayonnaise. And peanut butter. But not together.

Happy Birthday Mr. Sorensen!

Not my finest.

2011-07-26T21:18:00.000-07:00

You should know I'm not proud of this story. It is embarrassing and lazy and really one of my lower moments... which is why of course I decided to share it.

The other night Jazz made a hot dog. Just a regular hot dog in the microwave- nothing special. He let me have the last tiny end bite so I didn't get any gross cheese or relish. Of course after tasting such a delicious meat treat, I wanted one of my own. Jazz offered to make me one, and I accepted.

And I micro-managed from the couch.

"Make sure the bun doesn't break when you open it!"

"I like my hot dog wrapped in paper towel when you cook it!"

"I like it cooked about 50 seconds!"

But, cmon people this is nothing new. My patient spouse cooked my food accordingly.

"ONLY ONE STRAIGHT LINE OF KETCHUP, PLEASE."

Jazz brought me my hot dog. It looked like this.

This is approximately seven hundred times more ketchup than I would put on my hot dog. There is no straight line. Only a series of w's and scribbles. NOT A STRAIGHT LINE.

"Jazz, this has so much ketchup on it. I can not eat all of this ketchup or I will die."

I looked around on the side table for something to scrape 95% of the ketchup off of my precious hot dog. TV remote. Glass of water. Coaster. And then I spied it. A silica packet from one of Isabelle's dress up purses that I found in the toy box earlier in the day.

Perfect! I used this tiny poison packet to scrape my dog until it looked like this:

And I ate my hot dog, while my husband stood by me apparently shocked at my ~~laziness~~ resourcefulness.

What we have learned:
-I like my hot dog with one single line of ketchup. One.
-I am very lazy.

-A silica gel packet touched my food and I didn't die.

And then I turned 27

2011-07-23T22:28:00.000-07:00

A week ago today I turned 27, and to celebrate it, we did a few of my favorite things. I woke up to this:

My favorite part is that all the mini air heads and perfectly spaced and facing the correct direction. Attention to detail, my friends. A few weeks before my birthday, Jazz just kept hinting he needed help knowing appropriate gifts for me. Luckily, I keep a bookmarked folder for just an occasion, and emailed him a bunch of crap that I would love to receive. None of which needed to be wrapped in a large odd shaped box, so you can imagine my surprise when I opened my gift.

You guys. It was a Dyson. The kind with a ball. The Mercedes Benz of vacuums. The end-all to housework tools. Ecstatic would be an understatement. If you know me, you know I hate vacuuming. Of course now that has totally changed- I VACUUMED AT 7:30 AM. ON MY BIRTHDAY. I love my new Dyson so much and Jazz was SO SNEAKY pretending he needed gift ideas. Totally had me fooled, well done sir.

And then we had breakfast. Rice Krispies for Iz, and my favorite marshmallow mateys for the adults. I don't usually eat MM because I'm always hungry like a half hour later, but it was my birthday and I pretty much do what I want. Ever noticed that rice krispies are the most difficult food to clean up? Like they get all soggy and stuck down in places and if you miss them they harden into concrete.

Then, for MORE birthday madness, we went to the lake and ate tuna fish sandwiches. Totally a staple in my childhood- lake water and tuna. PS I looked on Isabelle's life jacket and it was made in 1987. The 80's!

Isabelle had her first jetski ride. And was unimpressed.

Jazz surfed, which btw is his favorite thing ever.

Mostly I sat with my tuna sammy and kept the weight distribution of the boat correct.

AND THEN AFTER THAT. We got all ready and dropped the babies off for a night of adults only. Morgan and JR were in town, as well as my Uncle Kerry (and his cripple eye that dad had to fix) so our group numbered 9. I've been wanting to try that new tepanyaki steakhouse downtown called Kobe, so we ate there. I wore maternity pants, 75% because I needed them because I'm four months pregnant, and 25% because I knew I would eat too much. Win win.

AND THEN AFTER THAT.

We saw the 8 pm showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. I feel like the movie producers had me in mind special when they scheduled the release of this movie on my birthday weekend- I'm not kidding. We arrived at the theater two hours early, were first in line, and spent the time chatting with one another like normal people do. No diaper changes, no fruit snacks stuck to my clothing, no milk smears on my pant leg. Harry Potter is special to me, and to most of my family- we've been reading it since the beginning, we have all grown up with Harry.

In case you don't believe me, here is a phone July 2007, when the final book was released. Morgan and I may have dressed up slightly, mom may have created and shipped us our own personal wands, and we may have waited all day and night with the other children to be one among the first few to read the book. I opened the book in the car on the way home, and read through the night until 7:30 in the morning- finished the book and turned it over to read it again. As Sabrina would say, "I literally devoured the book."

The movie did not disappoint. Of course I believe the books are true works of art, the movies at best a poor mans substitute, but it was still a really great film. It captured all the important parts of the book and really made it SO EMOTIONAL. I have not cried that hard in maybe six or eight months- really it was embarrassing I felt bad for the people around me as I sucked in air and did the UGLY CRY. You know what I'm talking about. And when it was over we sat in our chairs and collectively exhaled with total satisfaction.

You can see from all the girls faces that there had been some serious sobbing. Morgan will love this picture.

It was a perfect ending to our perfect day.

I sure felt like a special girl.

Happy Birthday to me.

rockabye my baby

2011-07-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

I fully intended on blogging about my big birthday weekend tonight but just as I plugged in my memory card I heard a little voice on the baby monitor.

"Mama mamamama MAMAAA mama maaam."

I went in to her dark nursery where she was waiting patiently for me, a big smile on her face, her hair all fluffy and light.

"Isabelle, do you want me to rockabye you?"

"Yeahhhhh."

And so, despite her age and her size and it being way past her bedtime, I picked up her pajammied body and lifted her out of the crib. She pointed to the glider, and we sat down together. She laid on my lap, with Olivia and Leilani and her blankie, and we talked about the events of the day. She answered questions until she was too sleepy and then she asked me to tell her a story. So I did. And I tried so hard to drink in her smell and memorize the shape of her lips as she ran Olivia's fringed hair through her fingers and tried to keep her eyes open. Her tiny toes peeked out from underneath the blanket and I tucked them back in. She reached for my hand, wrapping her fingers around my thumb.

I whispered to her, "Isabelle, are you happy?"

"Yeahhhh," she said with a sleepy smile.

Her breath became slow and even, her body limp and still, and she slipped into sleep. And though Jazz makes fun of me for regularly rocking my almost two year old to sleep, it is my most treasured favorite time of the day. And sometimes I cry- for my tiny newborn who is getting too big to fit across my lap. For that little baby that couldn't hold her head up but now calls me by name. For my 7 pound 4 ounce froggy infant who wears Nikes and requires sunglasses and is learning to swim. I cry for the time that I have with her and cry for the time when I won't have moments like these anymore.

I cry because if Isabelle could ask me if I am happy, my answer would be "yes" every time.