tender mercy

tonight my first born had a hard time falling asleep. 

she laid in her bed for an hour and half, peacefully.

i went in to check on her. 

and she asked to be rockabyed.

so i picked her up. and I carried her to her brother's room

and I held her and rocked her 

in the chair that I did when she was brand new.

her body spans across mine now

her legs long and tan.

her hair was damp from her bath

she traced my face

with her soft little fingers

and asked to do the church and steeple game.

i wept as I soaked in the moment.

my tears fell on her shoulder.

she is growing up. 

someday she won't be here to rockabye.

but I'll forever have my memories.

I will never regret taking the time to rockabye her.

as long as I'm living

my baby you'll be.

iFrenzy

Well I feel like I've joined the rest of the world.

Jazz bought me an iPhone for Mother's Day.

Those of you who see me regularly know that I dropped my driod just after Christmas and it cracked. Not like one crack, like a giant bird hit a windshield kind of crack. Luckily it all still worked (mostly) and I hate paying for stuff when I don't have to so I didn't get a new one. Last Saturday, Jazz emerged with a wrapped box from the garage after telling me he was working on my mother's day gift for a few nights in a row. Inside was a tiny piece of wood, painted and detailed to look like an iPhone. I angry-laughed and then called him a turd for teasing me... until he pulled the real iPhone out of his pocked and I squealed.

An iPhone! Um so can I just say, I have been pretty loyal to Driod for a while now, years in fact, and I couldn't imagine not having a full keyboard to text with. Let me make this clear, I WILL NEVER EVER GO BACK TO ANY OTHER PHONE EVER AGAIN.

It's fast! Its so easy to navigate! It has Suri! The touch keyboard is perfect! Maybe the best part is the camera. Driod's camera had a good 3-5 second delay, which was no big deal when you are taking pictures of flowers or dead things that don't move but anytime I tried to take a picture of my babies it was like blur city. Always. So frustrating. The iPhone takes pictures FAST. I always saw people taking pictures with their iPhones and I thought, "waste of time, stop doing that, they won't turn out," but they DO.

As a result, I am addicted to Instagram. So, people, I need your usernames so we can be camera friends. Sidenote, Isabelle calls the singular version of the word people as "peep." I may never correct her. "Mom where is my peep?"

OH AND DID I MENTION!

Linc can take a bottle of pumped milk now. Ask me if I cried, because I did. Girls are so dumb. No but seriously he is like a ravenous beast lately, I'm hoping it is a growth spurt because hotdamn. He eats constantly and would always eat extra if we offered it to him.We've been giving him a little extra at night when he seems still hungry, then I pump before I go to bed so I can keep up. (Nursing should be a full time job. seriously.) Guy at costco tonight after I told him Lincoln is only four months, "Whoa there he looks like he's about ten months!" Yep, he's a chunkster!

Lincoln- 4 Months

Lincoln is now four months old. At the doctor on Friday he was a little bit over 14 pounds- getting nice and chunky. I feel like he is pretty tall and solid- he is wearing mostly 6 month onesies and 3-6 month clothes. And also HOLY COW he is so cute. His face is like fluffy butter, his skin is so soft, his little lips so pink and pouty. Every time I look at him I just want to squeeze him and love him. His thighs! Delicious! Normal mom stuff? Yeah probably. He is my favorite son.

He is still nursing full time and doing great. One of these days I'm going to give him some pumped milk so we can go out for more than 90 minutes, but I'm so attached to him it's hard for me. Is that weird? We really want to see The Avengers but it is just too long for us to drive to the theater, watch the whole show and drive back. Then again, why am I freezing milk if I'm not going to use it. Someone just tell me to do it already so I can get it over with!

Lincoln is my little sleeper baby. During the day he is awake for 2 hours, down for 30 minutes to an hour then time to eat again, repeat cycle. He likes to be swaddled and he loves to having something on his face- like a burpie or a bit of the blankie just something soft to cuddle with. At night he performs magic and sleeps anywhere from 9 to 3 or 4 o-clock. It is heavenly. I honestly don't feel sleep deprived at all like I did with Isabelle. Somehow getting up for an hour in the night still makes it okay for me to mostly function the next day. With Isabelle I felt like I was desperate for whatever I could do to last for the next two or three hours.

Lincoln hates being cold. He loves being in the bathtub but hates getting out. He is sooo impatient. When he wakes up in the night to eat I have approximately 60 seconds to change his diaper before he freaks out and goes all defcon 5 on me. Seriously the baby can scream when he wants to. 

Isabelle loves her brother. Lincoln loves his sister. She is always watching out for him and hugging him and bringing him toys and stuff. She says stuff like, "Don't cwy baby linc." and "He is fussy he need his milk." He is the happiest smiley round baby. He makes me laugh with his giggles. He is trying to sit up on his own, loves to stand as much as he can, just trying his best to grow and be strong. 

If I had a dollar for every time someone says 'he looks just like his dad'...

It's hard to remember our family before him. Love you, baby Linc!

on being a mother.

I can't believe how drastically my life has changed in the last three years.

 My life is filled with play doh and baby barf and itsy bitsy spider and bath times. I don't get out much. I don't get out really at all. I live in three hour increments, lather, rinse and repeat.

My clothes are stretchy and soft and comfortable. My body is soft too. My hair in a ponytail every other day. Sometimes I forget mascara. I don't leave home without fruit snacks and wipes in my durable diaper bag. There is a stroller in my trunk, and ten empty water bottles in the back seat of my car. At night, I smell of Johnson's purple night time lotion. My feet are tired. My eyes are tired. I go to bed early, and I sleep hard. I have dreams about being back home in time for nursing. I have dreams about being in Disneyland with my family. I have dreams about having more babies. I have dreams about the babies I already have.

I do laundry every single day. I have a perpetual lists for items at Costco, Target, and Safeway.

My life isn't hard- it is work, but it is good kind of work and I love it.

Right now things are especially crazy and I know they won't always be like this. The first six months after I have a baby are usually a "just get by" period where I can barely stay afloat. I will wear fancy shoes again. I will be able to wear a necklace without it constantly hitting a fuzzy baby head. I will get back to myself. Eventually, I will be able to go anywhere I want and do anything I want to and sometimes that scares me because I am so in love with being a mother and I don't want this part of my life to go by quickly. My heart aches for those who haven't experienced what I have experienced.

Last night to celebrate my motherhood, Jazz sent me out for a pedicure. As I was leaving, a small face appeared in the garage door, waving and waving to me. Then the door shut and she darted inside. Then the face appeared again, waving and blowing kisses, then the door shut. The face back again, yelling BYE MOM and waving until the garage door closed to the ground.

I want that to happen every time I leave my house for the rest of my life.

"A woman who makes a house a home makes a far greater contribution to society than those who command large armies or stand at the head of impressive corporations". -Gordon B. Hinkley

Also, Happy Mother's Day to my own pirate loving, pilates stretching, cookie baking, glue gunning rock-and-roll mother.

I love her like she loves her mother. She taught me everything I know.

 June 2000

Dec 2005

too cute not to share.

Last weekend we celebrated Madilyn turning four years old. I guess three seems like a toddler to me and four seems like BYE MOM I'M GOING TO SCHOOL. I'll die! Anyway that party was way over the top fabulous, all the details were so cute and I took about a million photos. These were too cute not to share.

It was a Tangled party and we were requested to wear our princess best. 

To my surprise, she won the musical spot game, bless her tiny confused soul. And she bowed. 

All the other kids are eating cake and Isabelle is eating lemonade with a spoon. That's my girl.

Madilyn requested a crown for her birthday and I couldn't find any that I liked so of course I turned to my bff felt and made one. I love felt. 

Birthday girl. aka Birthday Princess.

not napping.

So yesterday I put Izzie down at 1:15 like normal. We spent the morning running around at Turtle Bay with her cousins, had some peanut butter and jelly, a little Ariel, and time for bed. Like always we did the whole routine- potty break, two stories, sing 5 ducks, recite abc's, chapstick to all her babies, tuck in, gate up, door closed. It's quite the process.

I laid with her for about ten minutes while Linc finished a nap. As soon as he started crying I said goodnight and left my sleepy baby to fall asleep. Or so I thought.

Ten minutes later, I hear her door open. She's up. I confiscate Olivia and Leilani for a two minute time out. She isn't supposed to get out of bed.

Ten minutes later, her door opens again. She needs a drink because there is a hair in her mouth. Okay, I can deal with that.

Ten minutes later she has to go potty, so I take her potty. It's almost two pm now. Lincoln is hungry, so after I tuck Isabelle in for the FIFTIETH time I nurse Linc.

It's finally quiet. I'm relieved.

After I finish feeding Lin, it's almost 3 o-clock. I just peek in her room to make sure she isn't too hot and as I open the door, there she is, on the floor.

She had pulled down her basket that I used to keep diapers in. Grabbed the lotion, and WENT TO TOWN.

"I do wotion mom! Wotion"

It was too funny for me to be angry at her, seriously I laughed so hard and grabbed the camera. She was so proud of herself for doing it on her own and was trying to rub it all in to her skin which would have been impossible. We had a quick afternoon bath to wash off her layer of goo (even in her hair) and by 3:15, she was sound asleep in her bed, only two hours after I originally laid her down.

Aaaaand that's my kid.

toilet talk.

It's happening!

Isabelle is semi potty trained.

We had a couple good days of training last month but then we decided last minute to go to Disneyland and it just wasn't a battle I wanted to fight on vacation. So last weekend, both Jazz and I were home to help and had a free schedule, Isabelle was willing and we said LET'S DO THIS THING.

Jazz had purchased a tiny toilet seat at Lowe's. At first I was like no way is that going to be in my guest bathroom but then I realized how awesome it is. It's basically a tiny toilet seat that magnets up into the large toilet seat when not in use. Trying to balance Isabelle on the big toilet with Linc in my arms was tricky, and she couldn't really sit by herself because she was petrified she was going to fall in. And really, who wants to clean out a frog shaped trainer toilet all the time.

Yep it looks like this.

Anyway, it has been awesome. It even pops off easily so I can clean it or remove it when normal size human beings are visiting. She can climb up and sit and go by herself and put the lid down and flush while I stand outside and watch because, "I DO IT MYSELF, MOM."

This is what we did, mostly so I can remember how to do it next time. Although I hear that boys are entirely different, so.

Diapers, gone. Out of her room. I thought pull ups were lame but she can actually pull them down and back up and it saves me from bringing an extra dress and shoes to church in case of an accident when she is away from us in nursery or something. Day one we got all excited! Then I fed her liquids all morning long and took her to the potty every ten minutes. EVERY. TEN. MINUTES. Like, set the kitchen timer. We read stories on the potty and eventually she would go, so I think she got used to the feeling of having to go. I have to credit her though because she is really smart and she basically potty trained herself.

She gets one jelly bean for going potty and three jellybeans for doing the other thing. I'm not typing it out, you know what I am talking about. She has been AWESOME and seriously has had maybe three accidents all week. None of which involved the "other thing" I speak of. 

She is really excited about it. Like I said, she can do it all by herself and doesn't want help from me (though sometimes I insist. Hygiene.) And when she follows me into the bathroom she said, "Oh mom, I so proud of you! You get a jellybean!" Makes me laugh.

Also this morning she called Lincoln her sweetheart. I about DIED. 

Now we are to the point where I occasionally ask her if she needs to go potty, especially if it has been awhile, otherwise she just tells me when she has to go and she runs in there. Yesterday she had to go, and I was nursing Linc and she said, "Mama, you stay wiiight here and feed baby Linc. Don't come in or you be in twouble."

Guess she has picked up a few mom tricks!