Happy Thanksgiving!

This week went by so quickly, I can't believe our holiday is nearly over! We were so glad that we had some last minute family come into town- Sabrina and her family drove 15 hours through the night from Phoenix, and the Chipmans flew in from good old Provo. It was a party.

We ate a bunch of food, took turns taking naps, played some exciting rounds of BINGO, and planned to finish with dessert but we were all to full from lunchner.

Linc wore his hat for .3 seconds.

I always take a family picture but this year it just didn't happen.. that's okay too!

Jared and Linc accidentally matched. Fancy.

you guys. this foooood.

Christmas Jams!

On Friday we all went out to Max's park. The granite for his stone has been in customs down in LA for two months, but is finally at the engravers now and should be done fairly soon. I'll be so relieved when it is finished. It means a lot that they all wanted to visit, Maxwell is such a big part of our lives and we are so glad to share him with everyone we can.

It's nap time and Linc is asleep, Isabelle is playing dress up with her cousins, and I'm running a few loads of laundry really quickly because we are OUT. We just haven't been home to keep up on chores and I think that's just the best excuse ever. I am so thankful we live here with our family and some of our cousins close by- I hope my kids have the happiest memories playing together until late at night during the holidays.

Of course, the holidays are a little bittersweet. I think how far we have come this year, even in six months... And while we would love to have our little baby here with us, we have so much to be thankful for. I am SO thankful for the things Maxwell has brought to our family. Peace and compassion, love and forgiveness, a greater testimony of the plan of salvation and the Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ. Our lives have been changed for the better this year. I know that he wasn't far from us this week, he is never too far from us. 

perpetually behind.

I'm not doing very well blogging these days. I lack motivation really because there isn't a ton going on? We are in our routine, it's already the middle of November. Six weeks until we change from 1 pm church to 11 am church and I may be more excited for that than Christmas.

Usually I am just itching to get Christmas out and up in my house. This year I have felt no rush. Maybe because I finally got my bookcases styled like I wanted. Or maybe we just haven't had as much time as usual. But then Morgan pointed out that hey maybe I haven't been excited about it because Max isn't here with us.. and I think maybe that's true. They say the first year of holidays is the hardest, but I can't imagine getting out Christmas stockings out for the next twenty years and not being sad that there isn't one with Maxwell's name on it. It is just sad. I love the holidays and I know while they will be hard they will also be joyful, and that's okay. None of our family is coming for Christmas this year (it's the "off" year) and that is such a bummer. I'm selfish, everyone needs to come all the time, I don't really want to share.

We got our family pictures back today and they are beautiful- Kara always does such an amazing job, especially considering the behavior of he-who-shall-not-be-named. But there are only four of us. And there should be five. There is an empty space in my arms for a dark haired chubby baby. Last year on our Christmas cards it said "Micci, Jazz, Isabelle, Lincoln and baby #3." As I scrolled through them I cried just a little at how far we have come this year and all that we have been through. This is hard. It is still hard.

Isabelle cried at kindergarten today. She was really tired, a big weekend and not enough naps, but she cried. She said she missed Baby Max. She has a tender little spirit and my heart aches thinking about the things she would have done with Max. She's a mama bird, the best helper, such a sweetheart. I'm so sorry that this happened to her too.

Anyway, we did get some Christmas stuff out this weekend and it makes me happy to see it around the house. And I'm sure once I can tear myself away from the taylor swift album, we will be streaming Christmas music around the clock.

 

 


 


 

 

"Tears are alright. They are the price we pay for love, care, and compassion in the world. One day God will, in great victory, "wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things are passed away." One day our calamities will be overpast." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, For Times of Trouble

Linc, almost three

this is an old picture, but it is so perfectly Linc

I spend my days with this small human. If I could choose three words to describe Lincoln they would be soft, stubborn, and sweet. He is so cuddly! Seriously he is almost three and still occasionally falls asleep on my shoulder.

We dabbled in potty training over the summer a few times and it was clear he just wasn't ready. I'm all about waiting until it's the "right" ish time so resumed diapers for awhile. Honestly I like diapers. Easy. Efficient. Low maintenance. (I sound so lazy.) Anyway he was showing more signs of readiness but he was 100% uninterested.

I will be honest, the first day was a battle of wills. The morning was unpleasant. We both cried- but through the tears he DID IT. It wasn't that he wasn't ready, he simply didn't want to. "I DON'T CARE!" he told me. I've heard all different tricks and tips for boys (with Izzie it was like hey let's do this okay thanks done.) but I really had to cater to Lincoln. We did a sticker chart and jelly beans for successes- his stickers are earning a special toy from Planes: Fire and Rescue movie that he is currently obsessed with. Every day it gets a little bit easier- he even used the restroom at Barnes and Noble today which felt like a big deal. Today was day four, 100% success and I want to shout it from the rooftops I'm just so proud of him. Because he can be hard.

I am so thankful for his spunk, for his big personality, for all his energy that keeps me busy and falling into bed at night. I'm thankful for his humor and his little words and his strong little thighs and his wiggly toes. I'm thankful for his sleepy face and for his insanely soft ears. I'm even thankful for his janky chipped tooth that is so much a part of him now. I'm so thankful that he came second, that he has physically eased the pain of empty arms after the loss of our third.

My arms are still full. My heart is full.

Friday was possibly the most difficult day with Lincoln ever in his whole life. Today was positively delightful. And that is the beauty of motherhood, I think... we take the good with the bad because the good is just so GOOD. I know my sisters are probably rolling their eyes at this point because it's apparently a family joke that I am cheesy emotional? Did you know this? It was news to me. Anyway, yeah it's cheesy but I can't help it because I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

At night when I tuck him in bed he says "lay by me, peas." And also "I wuv you to da moon." And when I nibble him and kiss his face off, Jazz has taught him to say "I NOT FOR CONSUMPTION." I gotta video that, seriously it is so funny. He loves to sit on my lap and read books after Isabelle goes to school. The other day after his nap he stuck his head out and said, "I'll be out in two minutes!" He also randomly pops a hip out, looks over his shoulder and says, "ka-chow!!" like lightning mcqueen.

"Mam, you ah my best fwend." And when he is tired he throws his arms up to me and says, "I need you." Not that it's all unicorns and rainbows, he also said SHUT YO FACE to me several times over the last week. That one is just choice. He also says, "Make me a deal!" if he isn't happy with the current situation and wants to change it in his favor. When he talks about missing Disneyland and I remind him it is far away, he says, "ahhhh, we need a airpane." Yeah buddy we do.

I love this age.

Halloween

Thursday we carved pumpkins. I say "we" and "pumpkins" lightly because the stores were sold out of carvable pumpkins. I've had tons of small and medium pumpkins on my porch for weeks but neglected to pick up our carving ones until they were literally all gone. Great job, mom.

Jazz had long ago picked one out for seeds (he likes to roast them) and Isabelle had a small one from school. I carved a gourd you guys, a gourd. Lincoln wanted nothing to do with any of it and was perfectly happy to run around pants-less. Iz actually cried her face off when we forced her to touch the slimy guts.

Grandpa bravely held the pumpkin while Izzie wielded a teeny saw blade.

On Friday, the forecast said it was going to rain all of Halloween so it was such a relief when the clouds parted and the sky gave a temporary trick or treating break. Isabelle made a beautiful Elsa. Lincoln made... well let's just say he had a late nap and I had to wake him up and it's sort of like poking a sleeping giant. Once he started trick or treating he was fine, but the pictures were a NO GO. I'm glad I got a bunch of them in costume at Disneyland last month!

Yep this is the best one.

she's so cute! 

We went over to moms and of course, she nailed it again. This years creation was Maleficent and she was perfect. I love all the people that come by to see what she has dressed up as- she always does it right. Go big or go home, you know? 

(I'm like mom how did you make those horns and she was like, "oh you know just shaped them with air dry clay then you paper mache them and then you know make another mold and stuff them and paint them and WRAP THEM IN LEATHER AND STUFF." like it's totally normal.) ("oh this staff was just an old stick... I used a bunch of hot glue on it to make it bumpy and then I hand painted it. and oh that's a christmas ornament on top!")

When he wants to hold my hand, I HOLD IT.

We had a really fun and sort of low key night- once around the neighborhood, some pizza, Room on the Broom and we called it good. 

There is and probably always will be a small part of me that will spend every holiday wondering how things would be different had Maxwell stayed with us. I wonder what we would have dressed him up as? Maybe he did dress up, maybe they have Halloween in heaven and instead of candy you get sparkly celestial stars. Another little hurdle behind us.

Isabelle, age five

It's November! I should be updating about Halloween and fall and stuff but I'm a little behind. Last week was just crazy busy- some weeks are so slow and we have all this time to do extra stuff and some weeks the day to day things consume all of our time. Now the laundry is in piles on the floor and the halloween stuff needs to be dusted and put away and our empty fridge needs to be re stocked.

Anyway, Isabelle lost her first tooth a few weeks ago. We were so surprised that it fell out, she actually swallowed it while she was eating an afternoon snack with Madilyn. Sort of freaked me out.

She was very concerned the tooth fairy wouldn't visit her since she didn't have her actual tooth so we wrote her a little note. I love her little letters and the lopsided heart at the end.

And the next week her second tooth came out just after brushing her teeth. 

This time we put it in a teeny baggy. She kept checking under her pillow every few minutes and then came out of her room, frustrated that the fairy hadn't come yet! After I explained that the tooth fairy would come in the NIGHT TIME she went right to sleep and came galloping into our room the next morning at 5:30 with her sparkly dollar in hand. Sometimes being a parent is really fun. 

I got to spend a lot of time with her class last week- a field trip to the pumpkin patch (on a BUS with NO seatbelts!) and then Friday I went for her Halloween parade and party. I'm so proud of her I could just explode, she is thriving at school. She showed me all her artwork and had me meet her little friends. She showed me how the helpers work and what they do and introduced me to their class gecko. Her teacher is wonderful and patient and compassionate and everything you would want in a kindergarten teacher. I feel so thankful we were able to get in this school with her.

Isabelle is five and is her own little person. She asks me thoughtful questions. She is helpful and smart OH MAN she is so smart. Five years ago she was teeny tiny seven pounds with a round face and fuzzy hair and all this time has passed and she is suddenly a little girl. She loves to play dress ups, she loves to pretend pack for disneyland. She loves to ride her bike outside with Lincoln. She LOVES to color and is totally into making everything rainbow.

What is your favorite thing to do? -I like coloring at school.

What is your favorite color? -Purple. I have some more though. R-e-d (spelled out) and blue and turqouise and hmm.

What is your favorite thing to eat? Smoothies. I love smoothies! Maybe make them red though.

Who is your best friend? Madilyn, well she is my cousin friend because she is at school. And she's my cousin.

What is your favorite thing to do at school. -It is... I like to learn about Animals.

What is your favorite animal? -A UNICORN. I just love unicorns. They are sooo pretty.

What is your favorite thing to do with Lincoln? - Umm. go to Disneyland with him.

What is your favorite place to eat? -Well I haven't decided yet. Well... I like to eat at Grandmas. Because I love Grandma's house. 

What is your favorite book? -101 Dalmations because I love all those doggies they are so cute.

What is your favorite thing to wear? - Hossies. (Horsies)  And my boots because they are high heels. (whispers) I never got high heels before!

What is your favorite thing about Mom? M-o-M I like to spell your name. That's how to spell mom and not Micci or Mic. Or mama. Or Micci. 

What do you wanna be when you grow up? -Maybe an artist and a baby sitter. Cause those are my most favorite things.

What makes you happy? -Rainbows.

What are you most thankful for? -Max. Because he went to heaven. 

Then she says, "When am I gonna be done?"